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Dear FutureMe,
11/9/24Dear mom and dad,In 2024 I have truly found the individual I am suppose to be. I’ve come out, married the love of my life, in a rewarding career, and for the first time in my life, I’ve prioritized myself. My physical, mental, and spiritual self. I completed an 8 week intensive out patient program at a hospital as a birthday gift to myself, past and future Noelle. I was there from July to September of this year and I’ve truly been awakened. I am in a support group called ACA- adult children of alcoholics & dysfunctional families. I have been attending daily since September via phone, zoom or in person. I have begun processing I was abused physically, verbally, emotionally and ********. I am not a little girl anymore. I am safe. I’ve started working through reversing the messages I received of “don’t tell, don’t feel, don’t trust”. This concept has been engrained in me for almost 2 decades and has affected majority of my big life decisions and every day thoughts. I don’t blame you for the past. But I am accountable for myself now and repeating baby Noelle to give her the love, respect, safety, security, privacy and protection that she needed then and today and deserves. I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder which heightens my positive and negative emotions to an extreme. I am doing DBT and grounding work to manage my symptoms so my daily life is not so disrupted. BPD is often diagnosed after childhood trauma and with effort on my behalf I can unmeet the criteria one day. I have only been able to work 3 days a week if that because of how my anxiety physically manifests. Diarrhea, nausea, gerd, fatigue, headaches, dizziness, temperature dsyregulation, and pain. I have a wonderful therapist who is guiding me through a trauma timeline and art therapy to non verbally process the dysfunction I grew up in for 10 years. I have been in survival mode and disassociating in order to survive for far too long that my body is struggling to hold its own. In the past few years I have had extensive endocrinology, cardiology, and gastroenterology work ups to attempt to explain my symptoms. I’m done Dr shopping and have accepted it’s my body relaxing into safety and learning how to regulate with new information and situations. I don’t ever want to spend a night in your home again but I am willing to work on our relationships with clear boundaries
11/9/24Dear mom and dad,In 2024 I have truly found the individual I am suppose to be. I’ve come out, married the love of my life, in a rewarding career, and for the first time in my life, I’ve prioritized myself. My physical, mental, and spiritual self. I completed an 8 week intensive out patient program at a hospital as a birthday gift to myself, past and future Noelle. I was there from July to September of this year and I’ve truly been awakened. I am in a support group called ACA- adult children of alcoholics & dysfunctional families. I have been attending daily since September via phone, zoom or in person. I have begun processing I was abused physically, verbally, emotionally and ********. I am not a little girl anymore. I am safe. I’ve started working through reversing the messages I received of “don’t tell, don’t feel, don’t trust”. This concept has been engrained in me for almost 2 decades and has affected majority of my big life decisions and every day thoughts. I don’t blame you for the past. But I am accountable for myself now and repeating baby Noelle to give her the love, respect, safety, security, privacy and protection that she needed then and today and deserves. I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder which heightens my positive and negative emotions to an extreme. I am doing DBT and grounding work to manage my symptoms so my daily life is not so disrupted. BPD is often diagnosed after childhood trauma and with effort on my behalf I can unmeet the criteria one day. I have only been able to work 3 days a week if that because of how my anxiety physically manifests. Diarrhea, nausea, gerd, fatigue, headaches, dizziness, temperature dsyregulation, and pain. I have a wonderful therapist who is guiding me through a trauma timeline and art therapy to non verbally process the dysfunction I grew up in for 10 years. I have been in survival mode and disassociating in order to survive for far too long that my body is struggling to hold its own. In the past few years I have had extensive endocrinology, cardiology, and gastroenterology work ups to attempt to explain my symptoms. I’m done Dr shopping and have accepted it’s my body relaxing into safety and learning how to regulate with new information and situations. I don’t ever want to spend a night in your home again but I am willing to work on our relationships with clear boundaries
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