A letter from Nov 02, 2024

Dear FutureMe, Lying in my bed, my chest feels heavy, my breaths are shallow, and my eyes are filled with tears. I find myself caught in a cycle of worrying and self-blaming once again. I'm tired of comparing myself to others, tired of feeling small next to their achievements, and tired of feeling weak and shaky when I am around them. I'm scared that I'll feel this way for the rest of my life. It's been years since I began struggling with my mental health. I can't remember the last time I felt peaceful or calm, nor can I recall the last moment I felt proud of who I am. Is that okay? I don't think so. Something needs to change; I can't keep living like this—like an ignored, ghosted secondary character. Who put me in this position and made me feel miserable? I believe it happened gradually. I lost my confidence, my winning mentality, and my faith. But don't worry—the old version of you is still there, though she is hidden and scared to show up again. I need to create a peaceful environment to bring her back to life. I should change the way I think about her; she is not dead, just resting for a long time. It seems she will come back to fight again.