Promise to self

Dear Future Me, In just a few weeks, we’re going to turn 17 in 2024! Time flies so fast, and I still remember how excited we were to experience this age. But this letter isn’t about that excitement. I’m writing this letter to fully let go of someone who once had a huge impact on our life. I still remember the first time I met him. I had the biggest crush on him, and soon, we became close. It took almost a year of getting to know each other before our relationship became official. He became my partner, my best friend, someone who was always by my side. We had our ups and downs, but through it all, neither of us ever gave up on the relationship. So, I thought he’d always be there. Silly me. One of my favorite memories with him was when he surprised me by coming home from Thailand after his swimming competition. It’s such a funny and precious memory. I had just finished washing my clothes, and when I went downstairs, there he was! I looked like a wet dog, and seeing him made me so happy that I couldn’t stop smiling. He was a fantastic swimmer, and I was incredibly proud of all his achievements, even though I didn’t know much about swimming or boxing. I used to tell my friends and my parents how great he was, even though I’d only ever seen videos and had never been to one of his competitions. Looking back, I wish I’d told him I wanted to watch him swim in person and cheer him on. It’s a pity I didn’t say it before. Another cherished memory is when he gave me my first flowers—a purple bouquet wrapped in clear plastic. I hadn’t asked for it, and I was genuinely surprised to see him at our gate holding the flowers. It meant so much to me that I even preserved them. But what I miss most is the way he looked at me. There was something in his eyes that gave me warmth in a cold world. I miss his laugh, too. It was like my favorite song. For the longest time, I thought we’d be together until the end. Silly teenage me—I even made up names for our future kids and imagined a life together. But as they say, everything eventually comes to an end. The day we broke up was the worst day of my life. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, and my chest felt unbearably heavy. I begged him not to leave, saying I couldn’t live without him, but he told me he was tired. In my desperation, I asked him to promise he’d come back, and he replied, “Babalik ako.” (translation: I’ll be back.) So, I let him go. It took me a month to ease the heavy feeling in my chest, but it all came rushing back three months later when he contacted me. His message said, “Hey, how are you? I hope you’re doing great.” That simple message tore down the walls I’d worked so hard to build. I was so mad at him for reaching out. I wish he hadn’t. I was so busy with academics that it took me four months to reply to him. But when I finally did, all those feelings came flooding back. I told him my feelings were still the same, only for him to reply that his feelings had changed and that I should move on. I was confused and hurt. Hadn’t he promised to come back? Why was he saying he didn’t feel the same? Was I really that easy to forget? But whatever. Today, I’m making a promise to myself to focus only on my studies and my own life. I want to be alone, and I’m determined not to let another man enter my life. Not anymore. Once I graduate, I’m joining the Philippine Military Academy. I’ve dreamed of becoming a soldier since I was a little girl. He was the only one who kept me from that dream. He never said anything, but when we were together, my dream was to be a housewife and take care of him and our kids. Silly girl, so in love! So, Future Me, I hope when you read this letter, you haven’t given up on your dream. Remember, your past self is so proud of you. You’re a tough girl, Nish, and I love you.