A letter from Oct 14, 2024

Dear me, uhm....well idk how to start but since I feel like I'm changing the way I feel these days too often I thought I should write a letter to you. My future- cuz everything...right now- sucks....i can't think of a single good thing- yeah well I have svt,skz,the rose and more artists songs to listen to or watch them to feel better. but in general-- everything feels like---nothing- darkness...I'm tired- exhausted and god knows what. All I'm thinking to survive is "will do it next year- after ssc- we can do it after ssc- everything will be fine after ssc- next year my birthday will be way better- next year I'll get this- next year I'll do that-this-......" and so on and so forth. So....did u do everything? you're not again crying on your birthday... are u? I used to be excited about "firsts" or "perfect moments" and "the right time" but i realized that's crap- "firsts" aren't that big of a deal and...there is no perfect moments and there is never the right time. no matter how much u plan no matter how much effort u put in there is always a chance it might get ruined. That's why for me- now- I'm tired of even trying. what about you? did u get a cake and wrote "going nineteen"? did u get a camera? a graphics tablet? did u learn to swim? Did you play the guitar? did u paint on big canvas? did u draw a lot? did u find someone who u actually have a chance with to like? did u visit the cafes with kama and nuzie? did u go on movie dates with pata and bhaiya? Are they still there? Did you find yourself? are u happy? I wish u are...i do-bcz I'm tired of not being happy. well...happy birthday ~ Let's......live more.