A letter from Oct 06, 2024

Dear Future Me, it’s getting bad again, and i don’t know why. i got top surgery a little over a month ago but i’ve been burnt out for a while and surgery wasn’t enough of a break so i quit my job. i’m proud i made it a full year, but i still feel pathetic for quitting. everyone needs a job and manages just fine so why can’t i? i know it’s unhealthy to think that way but it gets to a point where the therapeutic ways of thinking things are just more words with the same feelings. you might be in college when you read this, or you might be dead. it’s always a toss up with us, but here’s to hoping for the best—though, i’ll admit—i don’t know which option that would be. after dating her for two years i broke up with her because i don’t love her and i can’t love anyone. being aroace is lonely. i hope that’s changed when you read this, but i don’t think it will. hopefully *** is better, if you decide to try that. i hope you didn’t pressure yourself into trying it, but knowing us, you probably did. life is heavy and every step is hard, but i think one day we could make it. maybe somehow we can push through, and i hope the person reading this is looking from a better place. happy 21st birthday