A letter from Oct 03, 2024

Happy Birthday, Dearest! Today is October 21st 2024 and I am 21 years old! I’m working at the Anythink Public Library right now and I can’t tell if I love it or hate it. I’m living in an apartment in Thornton with Kylee, Murad, Jack, and Goose. Braxton is living downtown and working on his masters degree, while I am finishing my final year of undergrad. Though I am excited to move on to bigger and better things, I will miss history so ******* much. If anything; let this email remind you that you still have to get a masters in history!! On that topic, I completed my LSAT yesterday. After six months of hard work it’s all over!! I won’t know my score for another 20 days, but I know I did amazing. The plan right now is to apply to T-14 Law schools, with a reach to Harvard. How is Harvard btw? Is it everything you ever wanted? (If you are not studying at Harvard right now; first, don’t feel bad, second, fill in the blank with our chosen school and answer the question anyways) I am taking a big leap here. It’s very scary but I am simply doing it scared. I am in a big period of transformation and learning that fear keeps me down. This is my one life, why not reach for the stars? What’s so exciting about this email is that I have literally no idea where I will be when I read it!! Are you in your second year of law school? Are you in Boston, New York, Chicago, or San Francisco ? Are you in some place I can’t even possibly imagine due to the wild and fickle nature of life? Do you love it? Has the journey been rewarding? I smile as I write this knowing that future me will look back at these words with all the love and gratitude in her heart, and perhaps a tinge of embarrassment. I just read the emails I wrote for myself at 16 &17 to arrive today. Wow! How wonderfully wrong they are!! Isn’t that beautiful? Currently I have no plan for a career, I have no plan for where I’m moving, no plan for how I will afford it, no plan at all. I’m learning to be okay with that! At the end of the day you don’t need a plan. You are perfectly capable of every single thing you want to do. I hope you still feel that way! Know that even in the hardest of times you have all the past versions of yourself holding you up, and all the future versions of yourself looking back kindly. Though I would never want to manifest a future where I need this; I feel compelled to address the possibility that things might not be going super great for you. I won’t pretend to know it what ways. I can say that life keeps moving. No victory is concrete and no defeat is final! You have endless love and joy in your heart! You are silly and cute and so god*** smart. Life is yours for the taking! Remember that you are doing hard things, hard things are NOT happening to you. I cried today because I read the email from 17 year old you that said “I can’t wait to be you” At the time it was an expression of how badly I wanted to move out, how badly I wanted to be free, how badly I wanted friendship, love, joy, and happiness in my life. Little sad seventeen year old us trusted that by twenty-one we would have found those things even though she had no reason to, no experience that would make her believe such a future is possible. She had no idea!! Today I want to tell you I Do have reason to believe in you. I have seen it over and over, I have the experience to know you are one tough son of a ***** and without a doubt do I believe that your life is beautiful and fun and full of light. Because I know YOU are beautiful and fun and full of light. I trust you Noelle! I imagine you in a beautiful apartment with friends and pets and a partner that provide endless meaningful love and support. I imagine you in a city I’ve never been; happily and confidently walking to the coffee shop and yoga class. I imagine your hair is looking great, your style is beautiful and fully you. I imagine you hold a confidence in yourself that is so supreme and beautiful that others cant help but feel a little bit better in your presence. I imagine that you enjoy your life. I imagine you are free. With the most perfect trust in my heart; I can’t wait to be you! Love, your best friend, your biggest supporter, and your one and only: Noelle Elysia (P.S if you haven’t in a while reach out to Kylee, murad, Hannah, and braxton. No matter what has happened you are karmiclly connected to them; don’t let that fade away) P.P.S Give Jack a sweet kiss for me 💕