A letter from Sep 25, 2024

Happy Birthday 24 year old me! It has been a rough 24 hours. Hopefully our worst birthday ever is officially behind us. I hope you don't remember, but just in case I'll give you the short version. Thomas messaged me in the middle of the work day ending things. Ending things over text is rough to start with, but on your birthday? When every single person in your life is checking in with you, asking about your day and all the fun things you're getting up to? When your phone is buzzing all day long and you're staring at it wondering why he hasn't called or messaged yet? Down right cruel. I was caught off guard, so that makes it suck just a little bit more but the worst part is I actually liked him. I'll get over it and I'll be fine but it hurt. I messaged him once during the day saying what he had done was mean, like who dumps someone over text on their birthday? But I don't know if he understood, so I sat on it for a few hours collected my thoughts and sent another message. The main idea was that he wouldn't want someone to treat his sister this way, someone he cares about this way. That I had only ever done right by him and been kind and honest. That he knew everything we did meant something to me, that I did things with him I hadn't done with anyone before. That I cared about him and for him to end things so suddenly, so casually as if it meant nothing, it hurt. Part of me said it cause its true, part of me said it because I wanted him to feel guilty. I think he did feel bad because he messaged me apologising, saying I treated him perfectly, that I'm amazing and deserve the best but he can't give me that. I don't think it's that, I think he just didn't like me enough. I get that it's better to know now but it really sucks. I just replied and said I appreciated his honesty, but wish he had handled things differently. So that's done now. But looking to the future, I've got a lot of good things going for me. I have a catch up/interview thing tonight with a private paediatric clinic in London. I am so excited!! They specialise in sensory integration and I would love to upskill in this area. I think this could be a great stepping stone for a career in paediatrics. I have written out some questions to ask about but I'm not even sure if they are looking to expand, we'll see how it goes. I am officially HCPC registered which is super exciting as well. I've also started going for runs with Josie and Tristian which has been really nice, we've decided to all go to Marine ball which should be fun. I'm going out for drinks for my birthday this weekend as well. We're going to do cocktails and then maybe town? We'll see how I feel on the day. Its officially 9 months until I make the move and I just know I have some exciting things waiting for me there. I'm a little scared and stressed but I just have a good feeling about it. 23 was maybe the worst birthday ever, but I have high hopes for the rest of the year. We start low and finish high, hopefully. Josie and I have jokingly planned to be in Spain drinking sangria for our birthdays next year. So we have a dream. I have so many things I want to do, and I feel like I'm on the cliff's edge, its there over the horizon and and I can see, I just have to take this giant leap of faith first. By the time you're reading this Thomas will be just another boy who let me down. He won't be the thought on my mind all day, it will just be another heartbreak to joke about. Another story to tell with friends over a bottle of wine. By the time you're reading this, all things going to plan, you'll be in London. I don't know what job I'll have or where I'll be living but I'll be there alone with little to no plan. But I'll figure it out and I'll make it work, I'll make it through. Because I always do. I hope 23 is full of beautiful memories and moments, I hope you laugh with your friends and dance and work hard. I hope you find moments of balance in the chaos. I hope the last sunrise in the unit is beautiful and I hope you appreciate every moment of good, because there are so so many. I have a beautiful life, I'm a good person and I am happy. Maybe not thrilled in this moment, but I'm good. 24 year old me, I hope you are wiser but I know you will be stronger. I know where you are right now is a hard spot. You're alone in a big city in a new country. You're in a new job and quite literally everything is probably really hard right now. But I have faith in me being strong enough to get through anything. You can do this, even if its hard, especially if it's hard. Growth comes with growing pains and you'll have your share, but this will be the best thing you've ever done for yourself if you stick it through. Bet on yourself, because I'm betting on you. I heard a quote recently and it's stuck, 'the cost of your new life is your old one' and I do believe its true. Almost everything in my life will change, parts of me will change. But I don't have to give up the best parts. I can still love the colour yellow and fresh flowers and matcha lattes. I can still love small yappy dogs and giant fluffy ones. I can love the beach but hate swimming in the ocean. I can love summer and Queensland and blue skies and still choose to go to a place that is grey and gloomy. Because I know the magic isn't the place, its me. I'm a happy person. That's something so many people don't get to be in their life. And that's just my natural state, my original disposition is to be happy. So use it. Turn whatever mess you're in into an adventure, a story, a tale. Go make a memory and remember, even if things are hard now they won't always be, one day this will just be a time you think about and laugh. There be things about this time you miss. Even if you don't see them now. I'm so proud of you, this is hard and it takes a brave person to do hard things. Go become the best you you can be, one step at a time. Happy Birthday and all my love 23 year old You xxx