A letter from Sep 24, 2024

Dear FutureMe, hi again so ignore the previous dramatic letter, ive thought about it a little more and now that my heads a little more clear (not entirely clear yet but oh well) we can talk about it maybe the timer was... impractical, but i needed to get it over with and it helped yea but obviously he didn't respond after like 11 mf went to bed or sum so there was like a three hour gap where i was just waiting for nothing then time was up and i blocked his *** i was so tired at that point bc it was 3 in the morning lmao i barely remeber what i sent to him before i blocked him peobably just "times up!" now let me explain did this guy have a lot going for him? yes was that enough? no he was cute i hate to admit it but yes he looked good dare i say he was hot was he the hottest man ever no was he jacked yes he was a lil bald too not like actually he had really short hair anyway enough of that he was fun too alex is my favorite name too lol but like on the other hand how do i say this nicely our schedules didn't... match like idc how perfect the image he had put in my head was im not about to chase a man like i need one eye rolll like im not about to tolerate being left on read for 24 hours regardless of the context like either he really is "busy" in which case good or him ig or he didnt care enough which im not gonna just be okay with like boy ik u were playing valorant with a "friend" cool or what ever but like u were free and u didnt think to text back and thats where i draw the line like boy what 19 year old is this busy what are you up to all day eye rooooolll that was the main issue but as josef pointed out (yea we talk again, thank god) its a huge red flag that he was calling me love and sweetheart already and mumista like what is that he called me chicka once and thats where i couldnt ignore it anymore lol josef showed me a screenshot of him asking a guy why they called him love when they dont know him at all and the guy responded bc its something to say at the end of a sentence that is just not okay like honey thats not so josef says as soon as a guy calls him love he blocks hey love- blocked he has more experience so i should listen but even without experince i had thought about it i thought he probably talks to every one like this i wanted to even ask him we never got to that but like ik he just talks that way so that was also an issue like i liked it when he got a little spicy but like he did it so often that it sounded more like he was just horny all the time and like didnt actually want to get to know me he also never told me anything about himself so he made it so hard for himself istg did i mention he had a nice voice? well before he started forcing it but at first he had a nice voice but bc this guy had to talk himself out of getting laid i am now made to be a 19 year old virgin embarasing ik oh yea another thing that wasnt ideal is that he lives in a diffrent country its a closer country but still realistically we would never even meet and that was a waste of time even tho i wouldve like to play along for a little while longer like even if to no end i wouldve like to dance along even if we both knew it we were heading no where im trying to say i had fun ugh anyway but i think the secret actual problem i had with him was just how much of my time i spent just thinking about him how many times i checked to see i he responded like too much energy i had to work too hard for it and like im not about to work hard for a man like too many of my braincells were occupied by this and i didnt like how anxious i would feel throughtout the day when he didnt respond and i gotta put me first man not that my braincells are busy thinking about anything better now they haven't gotten the memo yet like they don't get that he really gone gone anyway even raha said i shouldnt talk to guys who live in diffrent countries that im realistically not meeting irl like she gets it so proud of that little girl she knows whats up she basically signed his eulogy or whatever but hey there were so many things i liked about him i have to admit i just hated how he made me feel like i was less important maybe i shouldve given it some time maybe not oh well its over now ur favorite idiot saba <3