A letter from Sep 22, 2024

Dear FutureMe, Hello Luisa, my-our birthday is coming up soon and I couldn't help but think about the email I sent to myself 5 years from now. I haven't got the slightest bit of what it's about or when It will arrive. I do remember the one I got maybe two years ago, I always ask myself the same sad question, have I got a boyfriend. This year it isn't too much about that, this year I thought about the book "Everything I Know About Love" and I was curious about my opinion throughout the years so I wrote up a small paragraph about what I know about love at 18, I will give it at the end. So far my life has felt drastically different every month so I'm unsure what to ask myself a year from now. it's kinda funny that's what goes in future letters, questions. Well as of now, I've done everything on the bucket list from society, first love, weed, party, university (uncompleted tho), first "time" that I never ever want to think about ever again but I do have to add it to the list, first fling, first time making new close friends, first time travelling alone, living, kissing both genders, tattoos, dying my hair by myself, showering with someone, faking an age, lying and going out, kissing someone a little too old, going out for drinks. I remember when I did "it" the first time I debated ******* myself because I felt that I did everything in life that I was supposed to do. I was almost satisfied with it all, but then that time turned out to be bad and I would like to try again and consider that one my first. Are you still liking your tattoos? Right now I am still heavily in love with my hip bone and love my rib but don't like how it was done. I would've liked a thinner one but I like it. I wonder if you finished your first year. I currently have a bio, psych and film. I like them all a lot so I hope it goes well. I wonder if I ever got medication. i have been feeling courageous as of late, I know that I usually say this at the beginning of every school year, that I want to live and talk to the whole world and choose to be someone new; this excitement lasts about maybe a month before I remember how socially awkward I am and anxiety exists. but I must say, this time does feel a bit different. I've been reading this book "the courage to be disliked" and it's been changing my view a lot, I already see myself re reading it years from now. The current job I have is junction coffee bar. I love the job and hate the people, well 2 people, one bloodline. I have made two new friends, Brooke and Olivia, both so kind but as always my mind tells me that they don't actually like me and they just hang out/talk to me because I keep asking but hopefully you are still in touch with them. I hope to go to Spain next year. I miss my nuns greatly. I hope to go to Amster*** with oliver and braulio. And of course, the biggest thing of them all is that I hope I'm happier, more at peace with my reality. I hope to live in the present, less in alternate realities or possible futures. luisa, you are almost 20, I hope that you are calmer and understand that school is relevant but does not make or break you, I hope you accept that people don't need to find you pretty, your body doesn't have to be a certain way. I hope that you don't hate yourself so much when you don't talk to people and just let yourself let it happen. don't think so black and white, not everything has to be either good or bad, and because I am reading that book right now, another piece of advice that I am currently working on is, no one is an enemy, there is no winning or losing. here is my take on love as of now: Everything I know about love at 18. My birthday is near and I've never had more love interests in my life. What I understand about love now is that I don't actually know if it will come when it's supposed to. The people I fell in love with felt random and they happened at awkward times in my life. After they finish and I'm single and my head is clear, I tell myself I no longer am looking for it, which is when they say it arrives. so i kept my eyes shut and loudly said i wasn't expecting it, yelled to the universe and said i felt confident alone and peeked with one eye open to see if it listened to me. but still no true love has come to me. What I know about love at 18 is that it's not fate, it's not luck. Although you can look back at all the variables and count all the small details that “fatefully” happened, leaving me is the great relationship I have now, but it's not true. It wasn't low odds that I met someone at a club, that I had the courage to speak to them, it wasn't fate or special that I decided to go out that night, it was just living, existing, what's meant to happen. I haven't become pessimistic but possibly more genuine with my reality. what i think about love now is that it is so devastatingly powerful and it terrifies me how much it consumes me and i wonder if i will ever be relased from the torture of never being satified without it. I hope you are well, and hope that the CD is going well! bye bye, miss you forever - past, confused and lost Luisa