A letter from Sep 20, 2024

Dear FutureMe, "To become someone I am more proud of" is what you told yourself you wanted to become during April 10th 2022 after a dumb night of drinking w yee and random girls and then busting yo right sided mirrors of your camry or sum haha. Go read that April 10th letter lol. Im reading it rn. Haha i loved that you really picked a random date, i think imma do the same for this letter too. You still loved Long and miss him so dearly in that letter -- and you had two songs in mind ; Kim Se Jeong's 25 and 21 lol. OMG haha and Nrees Hands song Tsuas yog koj tseem muaj txoj sia nyob hahaaha - the irony, i literally thought of that song today while on the walk w the kids around havenwoods today. The weather was so cool and easing. Haha i loved how 22 year old me doesn't know what route imma take. TBH i still don't know either. Maybe 26 yr old Nou will know LOLL. jesus take the wheel for us bro. Yes, 22 year old Nou, i was an MLS. Did not pass my boards 2x tho. Then got into paramedic school, got fired as an MLS, in debt, cashed out 401k this week, currently still and EMT and an ED tech at FWBH. Applying to AA schools for what the heck of it all. and yeah. who knows what is next for me. I trust myself still that I am moving forward. I am over long. The irony is that he just texted me for the first time in almost 3 mf years, this past Sunday or so. Crazy drunk *** mofo. Dude was left on seen and the message was deleted lol. I miss Xai a lot, he was such a great guy, he still is. First guy ever for so so so much great things. He ended things w me too the day that long texted me, ironically. I miss Xai a lot, and i hate to say it, but i want to lose weight so i can look more attractive. Maybe then I can reach out again and we can have a better ending. I just cry and my heart hurts a lot for the laughter we had, that we could have had, and how much fun memories we could have made together --- all of these which are left for me to cherish only now lawm xwb os. i so sad lol. Our compatibility was all there, however, he was just never fully attracted to me, and i told him, "you always had one foot out the door when talking to me" and he agreed. ******* sad bro haha. As positive as i want you to be, yes, some of the weight loss is for dude. I started rugby, and also in a meeka flag football team, intermittent fasting and also doing OMAD. I feel faster when i run. which is great, i am down to about 164lbs now. from about 173. this took about a month -- in a healthy way i would say. But i am really fighting it hard mentally and emotionally to not have a toxic and unhealthy fitness journey and diet. I miss xai a lot. I think he might be someone that I will miss forever. I hate to say it, but its true. The laughter was belly laughs, and to the point of tears. How fun were those moments yknow haha. Shiet, khuv xim kawg. Tsis muaj hmoo xwb i guess. As for schooling, ya- applying to all sorts of grad schools. Currently at FWBHED working a $55 random *** 11p-7a shift. Had a mentally adhd talkative pt lol. I was her unpaid therapist. Got my lashes done today by Chao, told her about preston, my OF LOL. I cried during the appt haha, tears were rolling as she filled my lashed haha, kinda sad but it just shows how hurt and broken I was by preston, and how much i miss Xai. ******** -- say you miss dude one more time mofo haahha. this can getchu a bigmac sooner or later i bet haha, say it 4 more times to consider tax lolll jkjk. Family relationships is okay, yeechue and catherine are engaged, kay is gonna to go laos w dad to meet his girl he's been talking to, maika is w touxai, i am heart broken in the fall once again (that's a good poem idea title lol), yendchee apparently got a gf who's parents are strict lol, everyone else is just chubby or chilling haha. I feel a bit lost in life rn, like I am moving forward towards something good i feel like, but i dont know the destination yet. "Yet" is the keyword though, and i like that i am ambitious to keep moving forward, or even taking breaks as needed (i hope you do lol). I am hungry rn, but i want to fast until i wake up from this night shift after i sleep lol. Friends wise, not too close to marina, for a while now. Still talk to Choua Vang and Chachee Lee lol. Not really talking to anyone special, there is that sage guy, 6'3 white dude. but yeah, i dont think that is gonna go anywhere bc i miss xia a lot haha (+$1 lol) . His presence, comfort and warmth. Tis the season to be sad again every fall. I hope 26 year old you on this random fall day that I select is in a better place. Relationship? I don't really think or know so. If things go cooly, i hope you're out of WI, out of home and in a new place for school or work, and in the outdoorsy environment being this thing they call as an, "Adult" lol. Hobbies wise, just football and rugby, gym and struggling to fit all the proper nutrients in my one meal. Video wise, watching a lot of Smosh reddit reading ****, other reddit reading ****, Dr. John Delony **** lol, and health videos on OMAD, IF, and autophagy and shiet lol. I have been okay overall with not much dramatic complaints. I guess a song i can send to future you would be: Ib Txwm Hlub by Selena Hang -- dedicated to Xai of course haha and anyone else I have ever given love to i guess. I just love to love. It feels nice to have it and give it. But how nice would it be to receive it too yknow. One day :) I wish you love and ease, and like that one fb video for happy birthday in Hmong hais os ,"THOV KOM KOJ TAU TXHUAS YAM RAWM LI KOJ SIAB XAV! sleep with whoever, get whoever" kind of humor haha. Sweestest morning, afternoon, evening or night when you see this. You gotta love yourself a little harder right now, bc your looks aint helping ya, and your mind can be kinda mean yknow. But I know you are working hard for a healthier body, and a healthier you. Just know you have come so far, and you got so much further to go :) Trust yourself and the process Nou lol. k bye, this was too long haha, my fingers are a little achy bc this keyboard rough as **** and hard to type on lol. Nou Thao, 03:57am :)