A letter from Sep 20, 2024

Happy birthday, you beautiful soul! Just three days ago, I turned 29—and it feels thrilling. When you read this, you'll be 30, stepping into a new decade of life. I want to capture this moment in time, to give you a glimpse of where we are right now and what fills me with excitement and hope. We’re three months into this incredible journey with Anthony, and I can’t help but feel exhilarated thinking about where you’ll be a year from now. There’s such a deep sense of certainty within me when it comes to him. I feel safe in knowing that he’s a man with a heart so big, it feels boundless. For the past several months, Anthony has been nothing but loving, caring, and compassionate—his kindness and generosity never waver. He fills my life with joy and positivity, and he shows up for me in ways I didn’t know were possible. It’s such a beautiful thing to feel cherished, and I can already imagine a future where we’re even more intertwined. A year from now, I dream that we’ll be engaged, perhaps even talking about starting a family together. The thought of raising children with him fills me with a kind of excitement I’ve never felt before. I never had this level of certainty with anyone else, and it feels like such a profound shift in my life. I think back to my time with Jonah, how embarrassed I felt wanting to move forward in the relationship while he repeatedly pushed me away. It’s hard to express just how freeing it feels to finally be with someone who chooses me, someone who makes me feel loved without any struggle or uncertainty. I don’t have to fight for his attention, or constantly prove my worth—he simply loves me for who I am. Anthony’s patience with me is remarkable, and I can’t help but dream about the kind of father he’ll be someday. I’m excited to see that future unfold. Anthony is amazing. He’s the only man I’ve ever considered giving up my name for. The thought of trading my past for a future with him feels not just right, but beautiful. To commit to a life together is such a monumental decision, and I feel deep gratitude for the painful relationships of my past. They were full of heartbreak and hardship, but they helped me understand and appreciate the profound beauty of what I have now. Our connection feels so pure, so sweet, and I knew it so early on. There’s a common narrative that early relationships are fragile, that they are naïve, but that’s not how this feels. I remind myself daily that our bond is only growing deeper, more stable, as time goes on. There’s no “honeymoon period” here—it’s a honeymoon life. We are building something that lasts, with love at the core and a shared vision of the future guiding us. It truly feels like a gift. I’m filled with excitement when I think about my life with Anthony. That feeling brings me a sense of calm, a sense of safety. It’s a full-body joy, radiating from the inside out. I pray every day that he remains safe, that we continue to nurture our love, and that we create the beautiful life we both desire. But as much as I’m filled with hope, I also understand that love involves risk. It feels vulnerable to place so much of my heart in one person’s hands, to envision such a future. Yet, I think that’s a part of what makes love so powerful—the willingness to risk pain for something so meaningful. I know that if he were to leave my life, or if something were to happen to him, it would devastate me in a way I’ve never known. But I trust him deeply, and I trust that he would never intentionally hurt me. Even so, I’m aware that life is unpredictable. Plans change. The universe, life, and God are all in charge—none of it is truly within my control. And yet, I believe in my own ability to shape reality, to manifest the life I want for myself and for us. There is a delicate balance between accepting what is beyond me and knowing that I have the power to create and shift the world I live in.