A letter from September 17th, 2024

Dear FutureMe,
what am i to write in this letter. 
im not feeling well right now. so whatever i write in here is probably just temporary. 
Im tired of always ending up like this. Im tired of looking at myself and feeling sorry for it. Its not fair. I know life is not fair. I wanna do something with my life so badly. Because this is not what i wanted my life to end up being. Maybe the saying that you attract what you fear is real. I was so scared of ending up like this that i did end up like this. I know it still not late, That i can always put myself together. But i feel sorry for the lost time. I try not to blame myself a lot. but maybe i should. that way i would be making a change. 
Maybe im feeling like this because i just watched "love next door", maybe i feel sorry for the person i ended up being. seeing how everyone keep working hard for their futur, i also wanted that. I miss having a purpose in life. I do keep trying to give myself a purpose, but its hard. 
i spend my whole energy and day on house chores. and when i dont, i just spend it scrolling on tiktok. what life is this. 
i dont have any friends nor money. i dont go out. im too scared of going out, of stepping outside my comfort zone. Im scared of getting hurt. Ive seen how the world can be dangerous. and now i cant go out. 
Ive followed my mother's plans all my life. all of my decisions, even when she said that the choice is mine, wasnt really mine. 
this is all just a rant letter. it shouldnt be like this. but im probably writing this for you to have a perspective of my mental state right now. and a way for you to see the progress you made. i really really hope you come back with good news, and tell me how different our life is right now. But i still cant stop myself from thinking, what can be done in just one year? Ive been like this for years now. I always keep telling myself that this year will be different. Anyway, i think i will make this letter public, which is a first. See you next year~~