A letter from Sep 11, 2024

Dear FutureMe, Wow. The only reason I'm even here rn is bc Ashlee reminded me abt futureme when she logged into my futureme account for some reason and found my letter titled "into the mind of a quiet 14 year old". To think someone else would read that is wild tbr, like these letters are meant to be just for me. So quick little heads up Ayaan, I'm no longer 14, so if anyone else is reading this or if you're thinking about showing this to anyone else just rethink again because this is gonna be as true and harsh as it gets and just like my journals with ashlee, when read without context or not knowing whats happening, they can cause serious harm. Actually talking abt everything now, the time's 17:40, I stopped journaling bc Ashlee read them and took them the wrong way and I make podcast vid things instead now. Lets cut to the chase. Today is day 1 after I broke up with ashlee. Crazy I know, to think that I would ever have the balls to end it with ashlee. Richard didn't think so, arafat didn't think so even ashlee herself didn't think so but I proved them wrong and for valid reason. If while I'm reading this I've gotten back with ashlee or smt like that brother I'm giving u a one year future slap rn. After the disrespect whether intentional or not, you can't go back bro. U need to be a man abt stuff and that's how u grow. To go back now is selling ur self respect and ur soul to feel better. Feel that pain bro, that's how we grow. I'm not listening to any music with this, honestly I've become detached with music. like there's no song that can really summarise the mood I'm feeling, like all music feels a lil off. Less yapping, things aren't that easy having left ashlee. breakups aren't easy but being done dirty makes it a bit better rather than leaving on good terms bc its 50% anger 50% being sad but lowkey I think its been 24 hours right now actually this second that things ended between us. I've had my sadness, now its really time to detach from her. I spoke to sana about it and she forced me to block ashlee on everything and delete all the chats and today the mandem made me lose one of the only forms of contact I could have which is her number. i blocked it after school today really hoping that she would call me before I block it but there's nothing I can do abt that. The only ashlee thing I have still is her email which I'm still logged in to, but after I send this I'll delete that I promise. I don't want this to be too much abt ashlee bc by the time I read this shes gonna be a memory. honestly I'm gonna write a whole other thing abt ashlee later probably this weekend. ashlee aside, I've been having my friends. NAHH. When u read this ur gonna be in uni bro wth. InShaAllah either going Cambridge or Queen Mary, Kings is eh tbr and we both know anything that's not Cambridge and not in London is not happening. And you would've done ur A-Levels. You'll get ur 3 more A*s I do believe so. But what I really care abt is the :money. U NEED to have a job by now and a good one too, and also some sort of online way of making money. bro js resell its so good. resell shoes from ebay, js do whatever its ntd. If you can't bench 90 by now then brother we got a problem. And if you also haven't got like 16 inch bis we got another problem. (my bis are 12 inches rn tensed). Brother u can do so much, like you're the most real person I've met honestly (real) and ur potential is through the roof. Put the distractions to the side, put the women to the side, put that all to the side and make stuff work now. You're 18 now, a fully functioning adult, you need to be ready to protect and provide for those around you, and that's not easy that comes through work, dedication and a good heart. Patten up your deen. Bro if I see that u got another girl in the span of a year then imma knock u out fr. And bro if ur still FAILing like genuinely as an adult then u should kys. I mean that word for word. Just go kys cuz then I take back every single word I said about believing in u. Anyways, this wasn't meant to be a demotivaing thing its js ur gonna be 18 so u really gotta get serious at least on the inside if ur still gonna be goofy ahh on the outside. Honestly u should be so confident that you should read this and laugh to urself at the thought that u had the slightest doubt that you wouldn't make it somewhat successful as a man. I don't really know what more to say tbh. I hope everyone around you is good, u still in contact with Numan, Wajeeh, Rashid, Mahdi and Ammar and Arafat and Richard and icl Brampton has lowkey been amazing. The people I have met the friends I have made bro I have more friends that I can genuinely talk to for hours then I can count on my 2 hands. And the character development, the hair development, the life development its all been for the best and the only place we going is up bro. I hope ur alive still inni otherwise that's peak. U would've js started uni bro don't stress you got friends its fine even if u don't make any but also make friends like cmon bro. Unleash the alpha wolf dawg. Ayaan Khan.