A letter from Sep 07, 2024

Dear 21 year old me, I hope we ended up going to Vegas. Maybe Arizona. I am starting BC ambulance soon. I am really excited, weird to think that we didn’t think we’d make it this long. It was really hard accepting that and having to choose a career. Never gave myself the chance to think that far ahead. I am writing this at Griffins right now, in between costumers. I hate working here. This week has been so stressful. I found myself caught in a love triangle. At first I thought I wanted to be with Theo, but then Wyatt was so determined in getting me back that my feelings changed. No one had ever chosen me like that. Now I don’t know what to do. The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt someone but I’ve made my bed and I have to lay in it. Regardless of all that, I think I need to go back to therapy. After everything that Josh put me through and what happened in October I’ve turned into someone who I don’t even recognize. It’s a hard pill to swallow. I am still on good terms with mom. She’s been my rock. I want to move back in with her. At least until I can make it on my own. Dad and I are fine. We do a lot better not being in the same house. That hasn’t changed. I don’t know what I am going to do when he gets back. Ethaney and I aren’t talking right now. I feel like I am always doing something wrong and having to apologize for it. Whereas when she does something I never get an apology. She’s at UBC, and it seems like she’s having fun. Which makes me happy. I don’t know if I’ll see her again. I hope I do, I just need her to stop being so selfish. Mentally, I am okay. I’ve been far worse, and far better. It’s all over the place. Some days I just want to stay in bed and rot, others I feel like I can take on the world. I suppose so much added stress isn’t helping. But life goes on. My day doesn’t stop because someone said something mean or hurtful. I just wish I could have some peace. Even for a little bit. I hope things turn around for you. I hope you are happy at our new job, maybe even have our own place. You are loved. As always, love, You’re 20 year old self