A letter from Sep 06, 2024

Dear FutureMe, Hello! How're you doing Jonathan, hope you are well. You have applied for college to study media last week because you think It'll help you with YouTube to become a better story teller, editor, script writer ect. Because you hold your potential future as a personal social media star in high regards (being a tiktoker/ youtuber) Actually being on social media to create content has always been on the table but I have never actually taken the time to properly Try and make better quality content so I can get views and engagemet easier. Once you've got it down, youve got it down and it can just become something you can do passively that other people can't that separates you from the crowd, like how doing a good cartwheel / round off is for you combined to other in gymnastics or just everyday. Wheather I get into college or not I'm still gonna keep on going and just continuing to show up in learning how to be a better content creator. Like it gymnastics post my surgury I was doing tricks I never ever thought I could do like a BACK DOUBLE FULL?!?!?! crazy!!! But just by doing nothing other than trying tricks outside of my means and consistently attending training I'm able to do such a wider array of tricks than I ever thought I could. I went consistently for over 2 months that's mors than 8 sessions, that's 16 consistant hours on in it and I plan to do many more. So in terms of becoming a better content creator I just need to show up. Lmao had a *** awakening last Wednesday (4th Sept). Well idk if can call it that but me and beth drunkenly made out w a couple there and one was a guy. I'm being kind of hard on myself for it happening in the sense of just me picturing what happened but tp be honest I'm happy that it did, because once I did, It felt normal and I wasn't uncomfortable at all in the moment, it was all really jsut the after thought once I sobered up that... idk I guess scared me? I'm definitely scared of being of being *** and not bi because that would mean that I'd have to move out and stop being with Beth. And as a byproduct stop being with bambi but actually as i was typing that out it just made less and less sense for me to worry about. Even if I am *** I could still live with Beth and bambi. And even more realisticly bisexuality is a spectrum. And It could just be slightly heavier on one side that it is the other side and it will fluctuate . and even if it doesn't fluctuate from being only men for a while then. no1 can just bare it until my preferences eventualy come back into women a bit more.or no2 we could just develop a very complex with eachother relationship that is layered and unique but works for us. Or even an option that I have no idea exists yet. I've been abut rude to Beth when it comes to me talking about my *** experience cos idk I've still got alot of internalised homophobia and I've taken It out on beth wrongfully . But she was so ******* annoying with her keeping on repeating it *** anyways. I'm good I'm defos good.. New life around the corner ,see ya Also my first Parathyroidecoetomey didn't work so I'm in a have to get another one lol. Imma get a car or student loans soon. Thanks yippeeee