A letter from Sep 04, 2024

Dear Evermore, First it was the seizures. Next it was the memory loss.* Then it was the tics. Now it’s the weakness. * (I used to have a near photographic memory. After I got COVID late 2021, it’s been slowly declining. In May, the first major lapse was when I asked about a car we sold multiple months prior. It’s not as big of an issue as the seizures and the tics right now, but it’s still there.) I don’t know what’s wrong witg me. It’s not my dyspraxia. Dyspraxia does not cause any of the symptoms listed above. This isn’t normal. It isn’t normal to just forget what you did that day. It is NOT normal to blank out in the middle of a conversation. And by blank out, I don’t mean daydream. I literally cannot hear the person talking. Your body randomly deciding to hit yourself is absolutely not normal. The EEG turned up negative. The neurologist says it’s just anxiety. I think he’s being ******. Would you say that to a neurotypical cis man? He said I was autistic when I cried because he hit me too hard with the reflex hammer. I’m not autistic. Today I was feeling very weak. I could not walk. My dad said that I was attention seeking. I’m so sick of everyone telling me I’m faking. I’M NOT FAKING!!! THIS IS A REAL PROBLEM!! I would not fake being weak. My mom yells at me almost every time I Blank out. It’s almost like it inconveniences her. She told me I was faking too. It wouldn’t happen if I could help it. She says that she’s just worried because she doesn’t have the answers. Sometimes when thst happens I think that my ballet teacher would be a better mom than my own mom and that’s just sad. I have a verbal blip a tic of sorts. My dad told me to stop. I kindly explained to him thst I can’t do that because I can’t control it. This man has the audacity to tell me to try harder. I’m sorry, you excpect me to try to control something I don’t know is coming? That is not possible. I’m going to go cry now.