A letter from August 31st, 2024

Dear me,
it's 9am, and I've gotten to know him more... and I know I said two years, so I'm sending this over so you can see where you were around this time.
it's been great spending time with C. for the past 4 months. don't know how we got to this point... but I'm glad you sent that text. i prayed for this person since last year... and now I'm here waiting until the first planned date you have for both...
he's pretty great. and he seems to be around... not wanting to go.
don't know if he's the one yet, but so far, he's shown up and continued to.
but c isn't doing too well either... his family is leaving, for sure... and if I'm honest, I think he might too. 
he might see that there isn't much here. 
that he needs to leave. and I can't ask him to stay if he decides to go. 
I also would think about the reasons to stay.
and if there weren't many... then I would go too.

I wonder what he's thinking.

I'm scared he'll leave... or be so hurt he loses himself... that he'll be alone.
the loneliness that he'll experience would impact us both. and what if that hurts us? 
I don't know why he's shown up again... and I can't control if he were to leave... and I'm scared.
scared not because of the possibilities... more because I've started to trust him more and more, and want him as part of my life. 
again, I would also question why I should stay. 
is he going or will he remain here? 
I guess time and the Lord will tell. 
and I guess future me will know. 


again, don't know what's to come, but you'll be ok. 
we were ok before. we'll be ok again. 
can't wait to hear more about where you are in the next two years... but I'm sure I'll be proud.
 I hope you are. 
love,me.