A letter from Aug 28, 2024

Dear FutureMe, today I was reinforced by the decision of my girlfriend, that she is leaving. I have a lot of thoughts about this and I would like to reflect in many years to come so I will send this to myself in one year, and possibly in more years afterward. After a period of 2 months, I asked her to not prolong our relationship at the distance, and rather that she will move to the country and city I currently live in. She finished her studies, she didn't have any job she would like to keep for her future career, and the only thing that kept her there were memories and current friends. I may have already written an e-mail to my future self back then, as this is becoming part of my coping mechanism with happiness and sorrows. It took some time for her to move, but I was over the moon when she arrived. Although her first reaction after all the furniture and boxes were put down was to cry, I hoped we would be happy. Turns out I was. Finally, I had over here someone I can share time and thoughts with. I was happy to go to work. It was as if everything I wanted was in its place. I didn't even raise a concern when I had to do the extra house chores for both of us or that I am now funding both of our lives until she finds a job here. I was happy. But, if one partner stays home, and battles slowly crawling depression and self-worth problems with no luck in job offers, while the other is at work for 8 hours and comes only to the afternoon part of the partner's life... it will make a dent. I felt hopeless since I was trying to help, but also juggling the fact, that I am dealing with a self-reliant person who cannot be commanded what to do. So, after seven months, she is giving up. I don't even want to write down what she looks like she is thinking about, or what I think she is thinking, or what she is saying... I just think she knows she is giving up something she loved, because the context around me - my work, the city I live in, her absence of options to finance herself, - all that and more, is forcing her to choose something else. I could write more, but I want this to be short and not repeat myself. I think it's a modern-life tragedy. I wish we could find ourselves in different situations, but I think this in itself is also a telling trait. I want to for a more flexible partner In my life. I think I would be. And, in time I will also find out if this slowly-creeping breakup out of practical decisions was less hurting than previous ones that were sudden and shocking. So, some predictions: This will arrive in one year. What I hope is, that we won't have any big fallout and we still will consider ourselves friends. But I can see myself growing sour and not responding that much, or, after finding she has a new boyfriend, just distance myself. I also hope that by that time my situation will be better, I will be closer to my financial stability, I may find a new partner or at least a couple of new friends here in this city and I will be less alone. And if not, at least I hope I didn't gave up and work on it.