A letter from Aug 26, 2024

Time Travelled — 12 months

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hello. i’m a bit emotional while i’m writing this. idk where to start. everything is so overwhelming and draining at the same time. i don’t know what to do, honestly. i don’t have clear plans for the future. i’m not sure if i should continue pursuing this program that i took. heck, i am not even sure if i can do all of this by myself. i’m so scared. i’m a coward. i think i have a social anxiety. so many opportunities has been wasted because of my social anxiety and me being an introvert. i don’t know what’s happening to me. i think i’m getting worse. i’m doubting my own abilities. i graduated as a valedictorian back in senior high school but why do i feel so dumb right now? i feel so jealous to my classmates. they are so great at public speaking. how can they do that? to have a courage to speak in front of many people... i can’t do that. i swear, i tried so many times but i just fail. whenever i try to speak, i eaither stutter, blush hard, my hand shakes and they become sweaty. believe me, i tried so hard to put on a mask, to be brave... but i can’t. i couldn’t even make friends with my new classmates. i don’t know how to socialize. whenever i go to our university, i feel so uncomfortable. i want to go home immediately. i just want to stay at home with my family because i feel safe here. but i need to finish my studies so i can have a nice work and give back my parents’ sacrifices and hardwork. i feel like i don’t belong in this world. why am i like this in the first place? why am i so soft hearted, sensitive, crying over the smallest things, introvert, shy, has social anxiety, ugly, and doesn’t have enough courage... i just hope i can overcome all of this someday...

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