A letter from Aug 23, 2024

Dear FutureMe, Everyone keeps saying “take care of yourself”. And it’s annoying to hear because I thought that I was. I was in the ER yesterday. I had a physical on Wednesday and had blood taken. On thursday morning, this panicked doctor call and told me that i needed to report to the ER asap because my hemoglobin was below 7. So I went and I was expecting to get a blood transfusion. But they tested my blood at the ER and it was 7.2, not low enough for a transfusion. Told me to start taking iron 3x a day. It explains to fogginess and dizziness and vertigo i have been feeling. Oh and I have covid on top of that which exacerbated my symptoms. So here I am, sick, trying to be better. I feel sad. I feel a little embarrassed. This entire year i have been trying to get back to myself and get healthy, mentally and physically. I thought that i was doing what i needed to do. Getting out in nature, getting 10x steps as often as possible, losing an unwanted 5 pounds, maintaining a clean space, staying organized at work and aspiring for more, increasing my self esteem thru music, and feeding myself spiritually with a return to deeper observance of judaism. But this whole time i had low iron and could’ve passed out at any moment. I was kidding myself. And this whole scare could have been prevented with a simple trip to CVS and taking a daily iron pill. Everyone keeps saying “take care of yourself” and it hurts to hear that because I really am trying, and i really thought that i was. I was really scared yesterday. Getting rolled in there in a wheel chair. Seeing unconscious people on stretchers. The EKG. The IV. The waiting for test results. I’ve had a really hard year. In every regard. And right when I thought I was on flat ground….I’ve hit a mountain and an earthquake starts. I’m just trying my best. And I will keep going and say to myself that everything is going to be okay, because it is. So it’s 1 year later. Are things better? Are you okay? I hope they are BH.