A letter from Aug 20, 2024

Dear FutureMe, i dont know how college is going at the moment, if im even in college that is. right now its a few days before i get my results and i dont know how to feel. i wonder if i got the grades i wanted or even passed.. its wierd thinking what could've happend in a year because this past year has been a crazy adventure (that sounds cringy). have i decided if i even wanted to still do achitecture? i do want to become a flight attendant but do i??? please tell me that eva got into the same courses as me because if she dosent get in i dont know what to do haha. im trying to occupy myself to not think about my results by going through my emails atm but i think its just making it worse yk?? i can see all the emails from colleges and sixth forms telling me to get ready for results day but im so terrified. everyone talks about how results day is such a big day but i just want to have a long long nap after i get my results because the stress will be over my head form overthinking or it could be worse, depending on how i do :(. i wonder i even listen to or look like? what do i even like anymore or am i even alive??? ugh im overthinking so much atm. im talking to this like its a therapist even though im basically speaking to myself who has forgotten about this in a few hours. i wrote one of these ages ago but i odnt remember for what i set the date as. i mightve already gotten it but i havent read my emails in two years that its gathered in one of the 5000. have i been accepted in college? or do people just make fun of me for my age. if eva dosent get the results im scared ill be afraid of making friends because im so much ounger. ive been trying all my life to fit in with the people who are older but i feel im loosing my childhood trying, im losing myself trying to fit in yk? its two days away. two days away from deciding what my future will be. i feel like im repeating what ims aying but in different words haha. please tell me i got my frizzy *** hair fixed because it needs doing, i couldnt even brush through it today. i wonder if i chose maths or business a-level. i wonder how im doing. i wonder if im stressing. i wonder if its too hard. i wonder if im failing. im wondering if im alone. lol i neeed to stopppp. ik ur just gonna sim over this and not even read this. lol im gonna go and read annoyign emails again. lets hope i keep up to date with them in the future :) by future self (i still cant spell wierd btw.)