A letter from Aug 18, 2024

Dear FutureMe, I am sitting here on my bed, unemployed, unoccupied, single and a tad bit lonely. I dont know how my life got so confusing. I dont know whether i am coming or going. I know i need a job but what kind of job? where? what salary am i willing to work for? what industry? There are so many uncertainties surrounding that and it is driving me crazy. I feel like i dont even know how and what to pray for. I just need clarity, a sense of knowing what i want and even how to achieve it. For now i am just sinking in this abyss of constant confusion. I know i need money, a job, a sense of purpose but where do i even start. I guess i just need to pray for exactly that, clarity. I need God to guide me to where i am supposed to go, to who i am supposed to be. Is this the dreaded mid 20s crisis? the not knowing **** about who you are or what you even want in life, or better yet how to even get it. Its not even about my professional life alone but even relationship wise. The relationship i am in and have been in for the past 4 years is quite a complicated one. And if i am quite honest with myself a very lonely one. Are we together, are we not? we'll we be together at all or are we just wasting our time? . And as it stands its really not looking good. Things seem so messed up for him right now and in turn they seem messed up for me too. I guess i am just writing this to remind myself that life does get better. The fog clears eventually. I am hoping and praying that i get a VERY GOOD job soon. A job that fills me with a sense of purpose. That i am good at. That pays me enough money to support myself and give myself a nice and comfortable life that i have always believed i should live. A job that allows me to take care of my family. A job that allows me to stand on my own without the need for help from other people. A job that unlocks so much that i know i am capable of. I need a car, a very nice and comfortable car. A car that allows me to move around with ease. I just know i am destined for ease, for luxury, for help. I may not know much right now but that has been the most positive repetitive thought i have ever had. I need to figure out what i want and not stop until i can give myself the life i deserve, that much i am certain of. I am destined for greater. I need to believe it and though i amy not know how i am going to get up but i need to pray and stick to my ****. To my beliefs. I need this letter to be a physical manifestation of where i will be a years from now. Certainly i will be secure financially, i declare it. I will be driving. I manifest it. And i will be in a healthy, happy relationship, i pray over it. Future me, how did it turn out girl?