A letter from August 14th, 2024

Dear FutureMe, I writing this at August 14, 2024 between 11:16pm to 11:31 I understanding why girls are always seventeen in songs....BECAUSE AT THIS AGE EVERYTHING IS A MESS. I honestly so worried about everything. Okay, everyhting feels different since the pandemic, but in 2020 I actually felt happier, starting knowing what I truly liked and finding people who I could share my passion. But now, I feel so lonely, realizing that all my friends have forget me, and they only remember me when I text them. I wish to talk with a friend, but I probably being a burden and I feel shouldn't miss someone who barely show me "true friendship" as I see everywhere. Four years ago I thought I would find love, but no one has ever show me what we could call "romantic" love. Sometimes think that once in gradate from high school and I go to college, I will have another opportunity to find friends, but my gpa is 3.1 which is average, and makes me think that I probably won't even get to a college, and all my mother's efforts to come to U.S and have a job that doesn't makes as much as someone who went to college will be worthless. I'm tired of crying everyone day, for almost everything, and having to keep my feelings to myself because I can't express my feelings without having to cry. I'm tired that I always so scared to speak with others, and I'm so tired of always be so worried if I act like a weirdo, or dumb, or that I have to repeat myself because of two fckng two years in Mexico I cant speak English properly know. I'm tired of being dramatic when I know too where that there has and will we people who aren't in worst conditions than me, and I hate myself so much for always forgetting that. I wish that when you receive, if we don't do it, we are feeling better, at least a friend who makes us live all these fun things we see everywhere, and even if we still without friends, at least we have a opportunity to go to college, to gain a degree, to be the first in our family that has do it, that it rewards our shy and weird personality, and our average appearance that never shines.