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Dear FutureMe,
I can't stop crying today. I had the news on the house. it's not going to be mine. it just won't be. the roof, that's why. money that's why.
I can't stop crying. it's like I'm grieving the loss of the life I never had.
I'm petrified now. I have nothing, nothing to look forwards to. my head is gone. I can't think straight without tearing up.
my parents. my mum goes and sits in her room now most evenings and I can't stand it. my sister sits in hers with her boyfriend and then there's just dad downstairs. I know how unhappy mum is but she does **** all about it. **** if I'm getting involved for the 10th time this year. well just argue cry scream and fall out. so it wouldn't be worth it.
Joe doesn't want me anymore.nor does Cole.even those boys don't want me.
I'm petrified. of life of love of living. I get those thoughts occasionally still and tonight's a night. but I live Ned, or at least that's my excuse. the sad thing is I know I'm crying for no reason. all my problems are 1st world. but I don't know if I can cope with them anymore.or is the pill. no idea, but I'm struggling to cope.
if this sale falls through I'm going travelling somewhere, probably Thailand. maybe Australia. maybe the Philippines. whatever's in season for when I choose.
I'm still petrified. my life right now, I'm floating through, I can't breathe at all. I feel sick. & lonelier than I thought I would. I live at home surrounded by people who hate each other. I live at home feeling suffocated & when Joe gets back in 2 weeks I don't know, but it'll get worse.
I think I'll go on a drinking ban now. I'd say since May I've not handled or coped with my drink, unless I'm getting ****** by some guy who doesn't want me. then I'll feel suitably happy for approximately the few hours I spend with them. then it's back to normalcy, but for a few days there's lots of pining. then I realise they didn't want me& that they're gone. struggling struggling struggling.
-----------------------------
I hope you're ok, I hope you've made it. I hope you didn't give up, I wonder where you are right now? still 10st? still unfit? still on the pill? still getting pissed at maddy and her piss easy life aside for the departs? & what about love. are you still furiously, angrily & unhappily alone?
I have work in 6 hrs so goodnight. Xx
I can't stop crying today. I had the news on the house. it's not going to be mine. it just won't be. the roof, that's why. money that's why.
I can't stop crying. it's like I'm grieving the loss of the life I never had.
I'm petrified now. I have nothing, nothing to look forwards to. my head is gone. I can't think straight without tearing up.
my parents. my mum goes and sits in her room now most evenings and I can't stand it. my sister sits in hers with her boyfriend and then there's just dad downstairs. I know how unhappy mum is but she does **** all about it. **** if I'm getting involved for the 10th time this year. well just argue cry scream and fall out. so it wouldn't be worth it.
Joe doesn't want me anymore.nor does Cole.even those boys don't want me.
I'm petrified. of life of love of living. I get those thoughts occasionally still and tonight's a night. but I live Ned, or at least that's my excuse. the sad thing is I know I'm crying for no reason. all my problems are 1st world. but I don't know if I can cope with them anymore.or is the pill. no idea, but I'm struggling to cope.
if this sale falls through I'm going travelling somewhere, probably Thailand. maybe Australia. maybe the Philippines. whatever's in season for when I choose.
I'm still petrified. my life right now, I'm floating through, I can't breathe at all. I feel sick. & lonelier than I thought I would. I live at home surrounded by people who hate each other. I live at home feeling suffocated & when Joe gets back in 2 weeks I don't know, but it'll get worse.
I think I'll go on a drinking ban now. I'd say since May I've not handled or coped with my drink, unless I'm getting ****** by some guy who doesn't want me. then I'll feel suitably happy for approximately the few hours I spend with them. then it's back to normalcy, but for a few days there's lots of pining. then I realise they didn't want me& that they're gone. struggling struggling struggling.
-----------------------------
I hope you're ok, I hope you've made it. I hope you didn't give up, I wonder where you are right now? still 10st? still unfit? still on the pill? still getting pissed at maddy and her piss easy life aside for the departs? & what about love. are you still furiously, angrily & unhappily alone?
I have work in 6 hrs so goodnight. Xx
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