A letter from Aug 10, 2024

dear future io! it's your eighteenth birthday, huh? you, no. we made it. we, together. past and present. together, we pushed through, we made it to eighteen. if you asked me from a few years ago, i probably would've expected to be dead before then. you never had much hope in yourself, i know that much. but anyways! some things to think about, questions i would have for my newly adult self! - how long is your hair? will i ever be comfortable with longer hair again? - are you still with rae? i couldn't imagine my life without her. she's the best girlfriend ever, u know? i'll be quite sad if you messed it up! i doubt you would, though. you are me, i am you. we wouldn't lose someone as amazing as rae! - are you more comfortable with your body? right now, i can barely stand to look at myself in the mirror. i hope we get a binder soon, maybe lose some weight. - did you and rae of october go as veronica and jd, or what !! hmm. what else? how is oli doing? what about aftonsparv? data, malin, etc etc? i know we won't give up on them, i'll be really disappointed if you did. it'll only have been 2 years, so probably not, right?!! hahaaha how is shutter? what about fetti n barry? kiyo, ace? freyr & romero? i hope they are all still your friends. right now, i am quite close with them all. shutter is such a great guy, we don't talk enough, but i love him so much man. amazing friend, just the best. doesnt have enough confidence in himself i think, but at this point he'll be 16 or 17, so hopefully that has changed a bit! fetti is a great friend as well, and an amazing artist! i have a feeling its name will be different in 2 years, though. maybe rae will be the same, too! maybe even you will be, but i doubt that. i feel very comfortable as io. although it looks weird capitalized, Io... did we end up going to therapy? getting diagnosed with autism, or anything? i hope not. i feel like i will be a burden to our family if i keep having all these things wrong with me. i want to be able to compare to rogan in mother's eyes. have we came out to anyone else? like, family? i doubt it. i'm quite close with daddy right now and im picking up the pieces with mother, pulling out the Trans Card may ruin that, huh? what about telling them about my awesome *** girlfriend ?!?! yeah probably not. heh. im too nervous for any of that, i just want everything to stay like it is now. umm, what else? how is leeloo doing? did we ever see sasha & misha again, do you remember them? darling little dogs, i told shutter & fetti about them, so search their names in those dms to see them again!! or look at pictures from august 2024, itll be there! gosh, 2024. that means its 2027 when you're reading this, right? that's terrifying, i feel my cheeks going dull at the very thought! so much time will have passed. i'm thinking about it right now like, "it's not that long, so i dont have to say that much!" like, you wont have that much different! but, thats so wrong. thats a whole 3 years. so much can happen, i can't even comprehend it. you're just about finished grade 12, right? i could be wrong, im not very good at this math stuff. hopefully you're better. i hope your grades are good, remember that it's important to try to get into a good school. i want opportunities for success in the future, i hope you do too! most importantly, i just wanna add that im proud of us for making it. at the inexperienced age of 16, i know you can't take it as much, but i am proud of you. proud of me for pushing through. i think you'll be happy to see this letter, too. the me of now will never again write the you of then- the you of now, i guess, as you're reading over this. the me of this day will never again write the you of now. gosh, trippy!! but i, the me of this moment, the me who has not yet grown into you, i will write more, to who you will one day grow into, and who i will follow after. you deserve to be happy, io. we deserve to be happy. i can't quite accept that now. i hope you have, to make up for the failings of the io i am now. the io you once were. i love you, i love the boy i am looking up to like a first grader staring down eighth graders with starry eyes, not believing they will on day be that tall. i hope that you have grown into someone who can love the io of the past, of my present. thank you. happy birthday