A letter from Aug 10, 2024

Hey girl hey, today is august 10th 2024. i wanted to write this letter to assess where we’re at. it’s 4:41 in the morning and we can’t sleep. imagine that. let me explain how things have been. well, we’ve been crying all summer. crying about our job. crying about cheers. crying about that man, you know the one. crying and crying and crying. but today felt like a real turning point. felt like myself today, for the first time all summer. we’ve just restarted therapy w brittany. she is amazing and so helpful. but right now i’m sort of freaking out that i am bipolar. i don’t think i am? but i mean, you should know. so i hope we’re not. but more than anything i hope we’re ready to do the things we want to do. i hope we feel capable. cheers is going well. albeit the fact that you can’t do it. focus is so, so hard. the last two weeks i’ve pretty much given up on working on cheers. because the shame spirals of not being able to work on it are actually worse than not being able to work on it. i hope that by this point it’s gone super well and that it’s booming. and i hope it’s everything we’ve dreamed of. i’m moving on from the era of my life that’s been defined by that man’s dark curly chest hair, and forehead kisses, and constant imminent anxiety. it was so nice to learn to let love in. it was hard but we did it! we always pull it off. ultimately it’s over. but at the same time i think there’s a bond there that can’t be broken. but who knows maybe i’ll laugh at that sentiment in a year. maybe he’s married to that *****. who knows. right now i love him a lot and i can’t imagine ever not. right now im learning how important it is to not share things w my family and katie until ive processed them. i’m feeling excited about the prospect of processing things on my own. it worked very well this week. i hope it keeps working. i’m also learning how to develop myself, learn about who i am, have some fun, loosen up. i hope you’re making things all the time. i hope your day is filled with making things. think we might take the hair dark in the fall. might be fun. dark hair at the clemson game seems fun. there i go again: clemson. oh well. i hope (i pray, i beg) everyone is healthy. i love you. i’m working on it for us. love, tay