A letter from Aug 02, 2024

Dear FutureMe, hello. can’t believe it’s been a whole year. 23 turned to 24 in the blink of an eye, it seems. at this moment, i’m spread out on the couch watching a new netflix series. i’m alone for the night (well, our new pup, lyla, is here too) while my parents and sister are camping for the weekend. my legs are tired after my lower body workout, followed by a refreshing dip in the pool. i had a rather great day yesterday, celebrating my birthday with family and receiving funny and genuine “happy birthday” messages. it was a real “i love life” day, which are very precious to me because i really struggle with sadness and numbness, especially within the last month. it’s been tough at times, but i can also feel the warmth that life brings. that makes it all okay. it makes me excited for what i can do next and how that will make me feel. there’s so much i want to do, and so many places i want to go. i have to remind myself to take things one day at a time. i can’t always chase. i don’t want to take for granted what i have now. i have friends that i am so grateful for—and so scared to lose—and family that may not always understand me, but will always lift me as high as they can reach. this year i’ve felt so loved and so seen. i’ve felt the most alone i’ve ever felt. i started therapy. i questioned everything and picked myself apart. i felt peace and security. i started emotional conversations and pushed passed the uneasiness. i felt exhausted and physically ill. i changed some habits and felt healthy. i wanted better for myself and i started giving it to myself. even though there are so many things that overwhelm me, so many habits i want to change, so many responsibilities i need to take charge of—i can see a future where i turn it all around. it will get better.