A letter from Aug 02, 2024

Dear Sam, I've started using capitals again, I know, very fancy. I feel like I'm coming into myself a little bit. Liking how I look, how I am, how I feel. Well sometimes, anyway. I have behavioral problems still, and while they've been getting better, they've still been an issue for me as of now. I'm getting into little spats with Jules, and I don't get along with Abby or Charlie, not that I want to at this point. These are just plot points in our life, though I'm not sure how close we are to the end. A lot has happened since I last wrote to you, although I don't think any of that matters too much now. None of it does, actually. The mundane specifics of my life aren't interesting or particularly useful to inspect outside of the moments after they happen. I hope you've been careful about substances. I mean being safe and not letting people who shouldn't know catch you. As of now I've decided to be more careful about who I tell what I use. No one in the family, no one who knows my family, no one who could possibly tell them, and no one who's business it isn't. Just friends and internet randoms. That's it. It has to be it, because everything could potentially be over if other people found out. I think Charlie knows I've done shrooms, but that's baby **** comparatively, so it doesn't matter. He doesn't have to know when or where. Regardless, I've just been rambling at you as of now, and that's partially because I have nothing of interest to say. I'm kinda just slogging out life, waiting for things to happen. I know that's not very happy or exciting, I wish I could be doing cool things, but as it goes right now, my biggest focus is passing school and making money. Both of those seem to be going well now, as I just got a job and am in a good spot for my final exam and my final essay. I know I know, very cool stuff I'm telling you right now. I know. I want to start writing these more, because I get so excited when I get them. I'm not sure if I wish you well or not, because I'm not sure if I want to be well. Regardless, I assume you're doing better than me and having a good time. You're also hopefully in England when you receive this lmao, but again and again my predictions for our future never turn out right. I guess that's how it goes, you never know what's going to happen. God dammit, what has my life become, an endless ******* slog. I wish I could dream. I want to go back to the dream world of torture and aliens that my trip took me too. I love dreaming, they stick in my emotions. It makes me happy. I could fantasize for my whole life if they let me, but oh well. Nothing good ever came from wishing or hoping. I love you Sam, and I know you love me too. PS. I want you to say hi to Jules for me. Let him know I think that he's beautiful and that I'm the luckiest boy in the world for ever meeting him. Though, hopefully he's got a bit of a haircut because his hair's a bit messy and unkempt right now.