A letter from Aug 01, 2024-Praying to your heart to never break

Dear Myself, This summer, I have been receiving many letters from you. Thank you for the beautiful letters in which you expressed your fears, your scars and your wishes. It may be fortunte to say that many things that we feared at that time ended up not happening and things turned to the better. Also, we achieved good results up to now. I am glad to tell you that we finished our preclinical years successfully and in one month from now we will be starting the clinical phase of our studies. Things are probably going to be hard and tenous but I believe with enough efforts we can do it as everytime. Actually, the last letter that I received from two years ago it was your heartbreak related to mom. Things are better now and I am still here in my hometown to go back in 26 days to be specific. I think from that summer to now you learned to distance yourself from pain and unnecessary emotions burst which is paying off. Also, I would like to add that recently we started in our trauma healing journey trying to learn more about emotions in order to understand from where we can start untying the knots of our dispersed painful memories. I think doing that may help us forgive her and understanding that she was also once a girl who suffered from parents who were ignorants about their children's feelings. Well, I wish a good journey in doing that. I may leave dorm to a house with one of my distant friend. A bit scared for all the financial burden that is going to parallel that but also thrilled for the new chapter. New autonomy unlocked! Other than that, I started also to explore my options after graduation. Though we still have three years to go, we need to choose a country so that we can be prepared in terms of money and exams. As for our romantic life, so dry as desert. I can't say that I have a crush on someone, but there is a person who I look up to these days. I know that it is impossible for something to happen between us because my social anxiety makes behave so cold and bad in front him that I seem like I hate even being close to him. Plus, I don't feel that it is the best time to be commited to someone. I just know that at least two (three maybe) of his closest friends are in a relationship this year so the stakes of him being commited is in high stakes. It is okay if he finds a good girl, it just will break a little when it is official. Sometimes, I see him with one of our classmates talking so freely and I envy their comfortable conversation. But she is a good girl and a very good one actually if they end up together I will happy for them. Would it be different if I wasn't a foreigner? Would it be different if I could speak the same mother tongue? Well, I may never know just like nobody would ever know my crush on him ( except my friend who sometimes teases about it though I don't know when I ever gave a hint !!! Am I too obvious? that would disastreous). BUt what if -just imagining okayy- confesses to me. I KNOW KNOW THAT IT IS a VERYYYY SLIM chance but what are you going to do? JUst the thought of it makes giggle and make weird sounds. What should I do? If ever say yes that means that I want to date to marry not to only have fun. OMg that sounds so lame. But what if ? what if? I will be the happiest. Having the person who you liked confesses to you oh wow even a dream seem so far away. The only sure thing is when A. knows about it she will tease me for a lifetime. Oh darling, when he gets a girlfriend you will be so sad and heartbroken.... I just hope that one day before we die our love blossoms and someone loves us and chooses us between all the people in the world. I would like to remind of something funny I know you will forget about by the time you receive this letter. Some days ago mom asked if I have someone in my mind and I said no which partially true. Then she asked if had before and I said no never ever. The whole conversation that lasted two minutes was full of embarassed laughters and me acting dumb because we never speak of this type of subjects. This is it. I hope you are in a good health and tell me what happened after what I wrote. Love ya see ya, Stupid past you Forever Star Azul da cor do mar Artificial paradise