A letter from Jul 29, 2024

Dear FutureMe, It’s been a crazy year. I turned 16 and spoke to way more guys than I would’ve thought I’d speak. Almost got a boyfriend, turns out he was a jerk(D, you know him too well) and I was his therapist apparently. I hope the thing with B turns out well because he’s a nice friend of mine. I appreciate him a lot. I actually liked him a while back for 2 months, but we officially met like, a month ago probably more. If it doesn’t turn out great, I’d love to be friends with him. I hope until next year C and S break up because she’s too good for him. Remember C? He’s weird. We don’t say hi or anything but he shook my hand. I stopped liking him back in August. He was a real jerk back then. I hope being in the same class as C will turn out good and won’t tear our friendship apart. I have a bad feeling about S, to be completely honest. I think C is going to separate from most of her friends, including me, because of him. In one month I’m starting 10th grade. Crazy. In 2 years I’ll be moving out, which is crazier. I got a job, which I love, to be honest. I hope I’ll stay and work there for some time. Everyone is really nice to me. I have nice friends with whom I know I can talk to. Yesterday I got home from the city at 10.30pm and my mom said nothing about it!!! Can you imagine? I was supposed to go out today with B but I cancelled because I didn’t really feel like going. I was rewatching descendants a few minutes ago, then I got a reminder to write a letter. This thing is quite cool not gonna lie. I forgot for which date I set it last year but I’ll put it for my birthday for when I turn 18. Less than 2 years😭😭 I hope nothing changes that much in 2 years, although A LOT changed in just one year. I went clubbing like… 2 times. It was cool. Wanted to go yesterday but changed my mind. Spent my day with friends instead. I got drunk for the first time this year. Like, blackout drunk. Didn’t remember a good chunk of the night the next day. My mom was worried and my dad angry, but they weren’t home so they didn’t really tell me anything about it. I started texting my mom saying how drunk I am and how much I love her. I told this to B and he said that when people are drunk, they act like how they actually are, and I suppose I’m a lover girl. I remember wanting to text D but I knew I was drunk so I decided not to because I would regret it. I did text my mom tho, good thing I didn’t think I’d regret THAT😭😭 I cut contact with Mira, she’s supposed to visit soon, hope we won’t bump into each other somehow. I had a dream about her one night, it was crazy. I had a few dreams about D, those were crazy as well. It was just the both of us cuddling and holding hands, Something I’d like to experience, not with thin tho. G had *** this year, which, I honestly didn’t expect. I tried smoking this year as well. I tried IQOS, vapes, and cigarettes.hated all of them. I still have 3 of them in my wallet, I thought of trying to smoke them but I decided to keep them for B. He said he wanted to try. I hope my laptop still works. Spent a lot of money on it. I hope our apartment is nice. I want a cozy one but I still can’t decide if I want to stay in the village or move to the city. I love the village but I also love the city, just not at night haha. It’s peaceful here, but in the city it’s loud and uncomfortable. We’ll see. I also hope our relationship with mom gets better. I like spending time with her but I like spending time with my friends more. I’m sure we won’t be in that much contact since A moved to Turkey, and Sa moved schools, but I’m sure me, Si and P will be good friends. I hope until the end of the year I’ll get a boyfriend. I get random cravings of getting one. Mostly at night. I just crave to be touched and be told that I’m loved and that I’m beautiful. B tells me that sometimes when he notices I’m down, but lately he’s been a bit cold towards me. He used to call me his life, used to tel me that he loves me, now he bullys me and calls me his n word, jokingly(I hope). When he noticed I stop replying he apologises and says it’s out of love, but I hope he doesn’t mean platonic love. I’d try to be in a relationship with him not going to lie. I sometimes want to hug him but then I remember we’re supposed to be just friends so I stop myself. That time he carried me in his arms was crazy. I got all hot all of a sudden. I hope it wasn’t seen on my face. He actually carried me in his arms the second time already, is that a coincidence? Well, if he is bullying me jokingly, it can mean 2 thing. One is that he sees me as a sister, or 2, he likes me. I don’t know. I hope it’ll work out. Omg next year I turn 17, that’s crazy. In less than a year. In like, 11 months. I’m going to paint my nails now. Bye!!