A letter from Jul 28, 2024

Dear FutureMe, Heyoo! How are you holding up so far? I only have about 2 days til school starts and I'm really highkey nervous and excited. Unfortunately, I'm classmates with my old classmates who are; Zyler and Amir. I'm not close with them, so I don't think we'll talk that much despite being in the same classroom now. Besides that, my summer has been okay. It was boring but I'll make up for it next summer. I was planning to grind on videogames this summer but sadly my laptop broke, so yeah it didnt really reaally yeah.. although, my brother has been letting me borrow his pc to play valorant, and Im actually happy. Im glad he lets me borrow it whenever he's away or asleep, because I get to play with my friends whom I only actually ACTUALLY talk to now, well not now anymore but a few weeks ago we got a bit close I guess? I had fun playing with them and I didn't expect that I'd actually show to them a side of me that only appears when I'm close with someone, though they probably dont think the same. The only reason I got to know them was because of valorant tbh,, and if im gonna be honest, I'm happy that they actually play this game with me because I remember asking my classmates, friends, or just anyone to play games I like with me but no one was really into it or played it so I didnt have anyone to talk about it and yap on about how fun it is, so yeah! When I first played with them, I was actually so nervous.. even after playing with them for weeks—I didn't dare say a word cuz I felt awkward that I was the only girl and I didnt want their crushes to hate me cause I'm playing with them so i didnt talk to them that much, also mostly because I was awkward and didnt know what to say. This summer, since I only play with a few of them now, ive become well-more kinda extroverted? Im always like this to someone im close with, but I think they thought that I only became like this because of them idk.. Anyways my other friends, they've changed a bit and I dont really mind, Its just like..new to me? We get along though so its fine, but I'm scared that they'll grow distant since we all have our own social lives now and stuff. I dont know what else to say,, I usually yap lot back then when sending my future me a letter, but Im having a hard time choosing the right words to express whats going on with my life and me rn so idk bro well err other than that, some of the stuff thats been bothering me rn is my mom. Shes an ok mom. I just wish she'd care about me and my siblings well being more, and also fulfill her responsibilities as a mother. Im not calling her lazy, shes done more than enough for our family, but ever since the house got rebuilt or whatever—she hasn't been cleaning.. she would always dump all the clothes in one room and not even bother to fold it. One of the rooms were mine and way before my online classes started, I asked her to move all the clothes away since I couldnt do it and I was like 9 so I didnt know where else to put it, but she only put it all away legit—10 minutes before my class started. Is it bad that I got upset over that? I just hoped that she'd done it wayy long ago and not procrastinate. Im sorry. I know that as a daughter its also my responsibility to help my mom, but she never really taught me and whenever I did help her, she would just get mad and would tell me im doing it wrong. She also always nagged at me every morning, taking her anger out on me and it sucked so bad. I was 10 btw,, I somehow got through all of that and well it resulted to me resenting her. That era was a hard time for me because I didn't have a single friend I could trust, I was wasting my life away on videogames, my bodyclock was off, I was unhealthy, and I just didnt wanna live anymore. Maybe I was just a brat but that time seriously impacted me a lot, but even though it was hard, im glad it happened. Because of that, I learned a lot of things and tried to become a better person. Ofc, first year was still.. bad. I still didn't have any friends, and I was always alone. But it eventually worked out. Everything does happen for a reason i guess. Im doing okay now, and Im striving to do better and live my life happily! I wanna enjoy highschool to the fullest whilst being optimistic so I hope it goes well. Im not sure if im done with my cannon event or Im about to go through another storm in my life that's supposed to happen to help me grow, but i still hope im okay. I wanna do the things I love and also improve my life. So well.. like... is your life going okay??? Hopefully yeah!.. Questions: Who are your friends now? Still friends with claire and other classmates? Did you achieve your goals? Hows your relationship with ur family? Hows ur academic doing? R u ok? Love, :P