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Dear FutureMe,
Hey, how are you? By the time you receive this letter, you'll be... well to be honest, I don't know where you'll be. Right now I have absolutely no sense of direction or hope or anything at all. I'm basically just functioning on autopilot now, just trying to make it to the end of the year. 37 days left till trials and 91 days left till finals. I remember how excited I was for matric, how overjoyed I was when I bought my martic tie, how my joy quickly diminished in the true face of matric. Right now I have 4 level 7s, 1 level 6 and 2 level 3s in my June Report. There isn't any time left at all for me to mess up or even begin to try to do something to help myself. I'm in limbo. For the first time in the history of all my FutureMe letters, I've never been this sad while writing one.
I've considered taking the Engineering access course at UKZN, doing geology and working at SAWS, doing something in the medical field, animation and coding but I don't know which direction to take. I don't want mama to throw in all her hopes and money with me in hopes that I'll become successful but I also don't want to disappoint her. I don't know what I'll do if I don't get funding for next year. What if I do get funding and an acceptance at university yet I dont manage to keep up with the work there? I don't want my life to go to waste or end up having to do teaching. That's not what my mom wants for me and it's not what I want for myself. I don't know where you'll be when you read this but I know that it'll bring back a lot of painful memories.
I know you'll look back at this moment and see my fears and worries as silly but remember that you know what your matric results are, I don't yet. You live in the future I know fear to see. I know that crying and speculating won't help me but right now, it seems like the second best thing. I don't know where you are right now, but promise me one thing: make mama proud, in any and every way possible. We've been through way too much together to disappoint her in the end. I know we'll come up with a plan, we always do.
I don't know where I'm going. I don't know where you are. One thing I do know is that I will fight until it ***** me. I will fight to make sure that my life is a success. I will fight to make mama proud and I will fight until I win.
Let's me her (and ourselves while we are at it) proud.
Love, courage and strength Your past self.
Hey, how are you? By the time you receive this letter, you'll be... well to be honest, I don't know where you'll be. Right now I have absolutely no sense of direction or hope or anything at all. I'm basically just functioning on autopilot now, just trying to make it to the end of the year. 37 days left till trials and 91 days left till finals. I remember how excited I was for matric, how overjoyed I was when I bought my martic tie, how my joy quickly diminished in the true face of matric. Right now I have 4 level 7s, 1 level 6 and 2 level 3s in my June Report. There isn't any time left at all for me to mess up or even begin to try to do something to help myself. I'm in limbo. For the first time in the history of all my FutureMe letters, I've never been this sad while writing one.
I've considered taking the Engineering access course at UKZN, doing geology and working at SAWS, doing something in the medical field, animation and coding but I don't know which direction to take. I don't want mama to throw in all her hopes and money with me in hopes that I'll become successful but I also don't want to disappoint her. I don't know what I'll do if I don't get funding for next year. What if I do get funding and an acceptance at university yet I dont manage to keep up with the work there? I don't want my life to go to waste or end up having to do teaching. That's not what my mom wants for me and it's not what I want for myself. I don't know where you'll be when you read this but I know that it'll bring back a lot of painful memories.
I know you'll look back at this moment and see my fears and worries as silly but remember that you know what your matric results are, I don't yet. You live in the future I know fear to see. I know that crying and speculating won't help me but right now, it seems like the second best thing. I don't know where you are right now, but promise me one thing: make mama proud, in any and every way possible. We've been through way too much together to disappoint her in the end. I know we'll come up with a plan, we always do.
I don't know where I'm going. I don't know where you are. One thing I do know is that I will fight until it ***** me. I will fight to make sure that my life is a success. I will fight to make mama proud and I will fight until I win.
Let's me her (and ourselves while we are at it) proud.
Love, courage and strength Your past self.
Epilogue
about 7 hours laterHey past me, dont...
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