A letter from Jul 21, 2024

dear love, we have known each other for a long time now. i know im not made for you and neither do i deserve you but im so full of you. i try to find you everywhere; in people, in books, in dogs, in skies and sometimes her too. i know i shouldve not looked for you in parts where you simply cant grow but havent you outgrown me too? I cant make out if its you or obsession running all through me. im sure that youre in the bougainvilleas i see from my balcony everyday, and in the cats that sleep under my car, in the lady that always smiles at me even though we have never talked, and funny that mom knows a jist of you too now. Its difficult to write to you, something i cant see, something beyond dimensions and understanding. you and her are similar in so many ways. But unlike her, ive felt you. even if it was for a moment. you feel so good. like warm sun on a cold day, or the bracelet mom gave me which i will never take off, or her voice. You have consumed me in every way possible. where do i put all of you if its not her i have to share it with?