A letter from Jul 16, 2024

Dear 14 year old me, I tried to send this letter on the day you start year nine but i didn't know the exact date so i made a guess. You're probably still friends with Ava. It's great that she'll finally be in the same school as us. YAY. I'm so glad year seven is almost over. I've struggled throughout the year with friendship problems, overthinking and not having a locker. I'm not gonna go in depth into the locker thing lol but i'm sure you'll remember. Earlier in the year, my friends kept getting into little mini arguments. It revolved around Lillie calling Olivia names like deaf and blind as a joke but it got the point were she was calling her dumb and telling her she needs to work harder and pay more attention in class to be a vet. This left me being really stuck especially as they were both in my form with no-one else from our friend group (basically just my friends from primary school). An example of one of these 'fights' was when it was time to choose your groups for the residential. Me, Lillie, Grace and Jorgie agreed on choosing each other. Olivia was planning on choosing two other girls. By the way, you could only choose two people but we made it work. Lillie wanted Olivia to choose one of us also so we could all be together with Olivia's friends but Olivia didn't want to because then she wouldn't have been garanteed to be with her friends. They stared arguing and me and Grace just walked away. I heard Lillie call Olivia dumb and things like that. I never knew what to do in these situations. I felt trapped. After the fights i normally began hanging out with Olivia in lessons and kind off avoiding Lillie. But the 'ignoring' didn't normally last long as i always felt really bad. Eventually it got to the point were they didn't want to be friends and neither did Grace as she is Olivia's sister. Lillie moved forms and when she told me i started overthinking it because i didn't want to be alone in PE and be the only one without a partner (Olivia had different friends to go with). I haven't spoken to her since and i feel really bad, like I've ditched her. Recently, Lillie got a boyfriend, Robbie, and I sent her a message which read ' Heyy i know we haven't talked in ages but i heard you were dating Robbie and I wanted to say congratulations'. That message was sent last Friday, the 12th of July, and she hasn't even opened it. It's obvious she isn't gonna open it anytime soon and doesn't want to speak to me. That was a VERY long paragraph. I always overthink things for example if one of my friends sends me a dry message i worry that I've been annoying or done something wrong. I always worry about what people will think of me so i hide some of the things i like for example Sanrio because people would think i was childish or the musicals 'Heathers' and 'Hamilton'. Also i know i'm finishing writing this the day before my holiday to Ibiza hehe. I really hope by now you've learnt to be yourself at school and find friends who have similar interests. I don't know if you've chosen your GSCE topics but i trust you won't pick PE, lol. Right now i'm thinking photography and something that relates to my capcut edits/videos would be cool. I really hope you're still doing those and have probably improved lot's if you are. Anyway, have a great year 9 and birthday. From, your past self, from year 7