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Letter to future self 7/14
My darling sweet Miranda
I want you to remember that you are loved. You are so very loved. But I also want you to remember that you have to love yourself too. You have to remember that you are so worth this self love.
I know today, on day 3 that you feel a failure. That why at 61 you haven’t you got “it” yet. The “it” of knowing that alcohol never solves only harms. The fact that you know you don’t want to drink. You know you can’t drink. You know the unhappiness it brings. And yet the choices you made lately to numb, to disappear if only for a few hours, felt like it may help. It didn’t it didn’t it didn’t.
Yes my sweet person I know this stress over these months of home, future, place and stability have rocked your world. Your Capricorn plans didn’t go to plan. It shook you to the core. So you reached to the one thing that you thought (and oh it’s so untrue) could take it away, if only for a few hours. Instead it made you sick, tired and more anxious. It never works, it never did. I know since the age of 14 you have used (with many days and years of sobriety in there) this horrible drug and poison to take pain away. The pain returns and with more vengeance the next day. It always does.
So letter to my future self. Know you have some exciting new beginnings coming. A move to another new town and a new house in Anacortes. A man you love and want to be with. A lovely and kind son. Family and friends. The most beutiful puppy in the world. The pain of the unknown of where I will land hopefully coming to a magical new journey vs the fear of this painful unknown. But more than that I hope I so hope you have learned the lesson for the last time that this poison is just that - poison. It dilutes the life force out of your body. It makes you sick. It contributes to destroying your mind, body and soul. It never solves it only destroys.
I hope sweet thing that you have been able to identify all the no’s and all the bigger yes’s that being alcohol free brings you. I hope you have learned that uncertainty is part of life, that things typically always don’t go according to plan. That this life is rightfully imperfect and none of those things will be solved by drinking.
Please stay this time. Don’t drift sweet one. Stay don’t wander down a path that you know will hurt you, if even for a day. The harm to your soul is too great a price to pay, if only for a day. Stay for the choices that bring you joy and pride in knowing your doing the best for you, right now and yes the future you.
Please stay. Stay.
Love to me from me xxxx
My darling sweet Miranda
I want you to remember that you are loved. You are so very loved. But I also want you to remember that you have to love yourself too. You have to remember that you are so worth this self love.
I know today, on day 3 that you feel a failure. That why at 61 you haven’t you got “it” yet. The “it” of knowing that alcohol never solves only harms. The fact that you know you don’t want to drink. You know you can’t drink. You know the unhappiness it brings. And yet the choices you made lately to numb, to disappear if only for a few hours, felt like it may help. It didn’t it didn’t it didn’t.
Yes my sweet person I know this stress over these months of home, future, place and stability have rocked your world. Your Capricorn plans didn’t go to plan. It shook you to the core. So you reached to the one thing that you thought (and oh it’s so untrue) could take it away, if only for a few hours. Instead it made you sick, tired and more anxious. It never works, it never did. I know since the age of 14 you have used (with many days and years of sobriety in there) this horrible drug and poison to take pain away. The pain returns and with more vengeance the next day. It always does.
So letter to my future self. Know you have some exciting new beginnings coming. A move to another new town and a new house in Anacortes. A man you love and want to be with. A lovely and kind son. Family and friends. The most beutiful puppy in the world. The pain of the unknown of where I will land hopefully coming to a magical new journey vs the fear of this painful unknown. But more than that I hope I so hope you have learned the lesson for the last time that this poison is just that - poison. It dilutes the life force out of your body. It makes you sick. It contributes to destroying your mind, body and soul. It never solves it only destroys.
I hope sweet thing that you have been able to identify all the no’s and all the bigger yes’s that being alcohol free brings you. I hope you have learned that uncertainty is part of life, that things typically always don’t go according to plan. That this life is rightfully imperfect and none of those things will be solved by drinking.
Please stay this time. Don’t drift sweet one. Stay don’t wander down a path that you know will hurt you, if even for a day. The harm to your soul is too great a price to pay, if only for a day. Stay for the choices that bring you joy and pride in knowing your doing the best for you, right now and yes the future you.
Please stay. Stay.
Love to me from me xxxx
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