A letter from Jul 12, 2024

Dear FutureMe, How is it like there? I hope it’s better. Currently, I’m almost 3 months in at my first job and I don’t really feel professionally fulfilled. In addition to that, I don’t really have any friends at work and I just keep to myself most of the time. I mean, I have 1 friend who I’m sure would claim me as their friend but the rest are just… I don’t really know where I’m at. I’ve always felt like I’m good with kids but what I’m realising now is that I might be actually only good with typical kids. My student in the morning does not like me while the one in the afternoon I barely see so the kid probably doesn’t really know me at all. At the same time, it makes me jealous with my workmate who’s really great with ALL of the kids. They all love him, even ones that he doesn’t really recognize. Maybe this is his calling, and this is where I realise it’s not mine. Anyway, career aside, I’m not doing really great with my personal life either— I’ve got no friends, nothing interesting going on, I’m not doing anything life-changing, I have no one interested in me… basically I’ve got nothing going on. I’m just sulking and daydreaming and imagining how my life should be. And my 25th birthday’s only a month away. I don’t even really know who I am now but I hope my prefrontal cortex fully develops soon so I can have an answer to that. Maybe I need to be more honest with myself more? I’m envious with a lot of other people and what they have going in their life and I’m not really sure what to do to solve it. But I just can’t stop being envious. And hoping my life was more like their’s. I wish my life was even a little bit closer to what I imagined it to be. I hope that by this time I read this in the future I read it with the thought “mygod I was ever this sad when something really good was about to happen?”. But I can only hope.