A letter from Jun 17, 2024

Dear FutureMe, Being emotional...i realize i dont do this enough on here, ive just been really weird feeling lately, im so scared to go further into adulthood, my loans start tmrw and it feels so symbolic, it feels like the more i try to become a child again, the more reality tells me no. its rather frightening, its scary. im scared to continue to grow, but i have no choice. I turn 23 tmrw and im scared, adulthood hasn't been the best , but it hasnt been the worst...so far, its just MEH! but the MEH is scary bruh, so scary. i cant believe my whole life I wanted this. I remember thinking, as a 12 year old, the perfect age to stay is 25 bc you're youthful enough with probably more money. It's funny how I was spot on, but now as I encroach 25, i realize im deathly afraid. You know why? bc nothing is guaranteed and i can die tmrw. I realize the naivete of childhood is gone, the rainbows are gone and im stuck seeing the cold truth of stuff, i dont feel as protected from the world. It feels like the world is coming at me, and idk what to do. I'll try to be strong, there's nothing else to do, but God I wish to be a child again. I know spiritually, you can be reborn as a child, so I guess that's a goal to aim for? who knows, maybe mixing adult realities, with the mindset of a child is the way, its hard when it feels like everything wants that gone from you.