A letter from May 28, 2024

Dear Future Me, We've been struggling a lot lately. Dealing with depression, anxiety, paranoia, hallucinations. But we have so many big plans and goals. Did we go to grooming school? Did we scrap that idea and find a new passion? Do we have a solid set of friends now? Did we grieve and cope with losing our baby, C.? Did any other pets pass away? I'm so scared of losing those I love most. I miss my friends. I miss being happy. I wish I just woke up, drank tea, read a book, went to school/work, had a peaceful day. Instead of laying in bed sobbing all day or scared of everything. I wish I didn't have to put up a fake smile everyday. Pretending to be happy is really, really hard and draining. We've had so much bad things happen the past month or two, it's been so hard to live. I don't even know if I'll make it alive long enough for me to read this in the future. I'm trying to write this to keep me alive, like maybe one day I'm happy and I have a positive future and people I love close to me. I want to see if one day we move out, get a car, a life of our own. Do we end up still talking to Kyle? Or is there someone new? Or are we still alone? I hate feeling the way I do. It never stops or ends. I just want to die. But I also want the positive future that right now, seems not much more than a dream. I hope you're happy. You deserve to be. You deserve to love yourself. Even after all the mistakes, after all, we're only human. And we always try to do our absolute best, and that's what matters, right? We always try to help people, even if that's not how the outcome turned out. I hope we're happy in the future. Be well, and take care of yourself. For me, please. For yourself. For little us, who was only 4 when she started experiencing all kinds of abuse. For everyone. I hope we are happy and have a life now. I love you. Goodbye now, me. I hope to live long enough to read this again one day. Till then, take care 💛🌙. -S.W. 5/28/2024