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Ey champ! (Ugh that was cringe.)
It's me... again... for the third straight year I've sent these **** things. But THIS one is special! THIS one is the one where you FINALLY get your RIGHT to mobility! The government has kept you down, kept your from going to where you want to go over a silly stupid reason like a birth date! I'm sorry you had to deal with that ageism, but it's finally over now! Now you can drive! Go out there and get your license!
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Why is this inappropriate?