A letter from May 13, 2024

Dear FutureMe, If you’re reading this, this will be your 26th birthday! Well that is what we keep telling people. This year you’ll be 30 if my math is right. I hope you’re doing something fun and not being a boring blob eating cheese. If you are, get up and go out. Seriously. I’m laying in bed at the moment waiting for dinner to cook. Just been at work all day, at the front counter on 6 hours of sleep (shocker). You got some bad news today. The offer you put on the house was technically declined because the owners are scared it won’t pass the building inspection the bank wants. Not ideal. Investors are cleaning up all the cheap properties. You feel pretty deflated tonight because of this. I hope you’re better dealing with your emotions than you are these days. You’re having pasta bake with tea with dad, and all the cats are keeping warm by the heater. Today was an okay day. It wasn’t the worst, but it wasn’t the best. It was just average. I think about winning the lottery often, buying a big old character farm house somewhere with some land in Sandy Bay or Howrah and sitting in the backyard in some soft grass on a warm day, in autumn with all the leaves and the birds chirping with dad and all the pets with us. Don’t want much apparently 😂 The world today is inflation and just getting by. I have more than most people do I suppose but still don’t feel happy. I don’t really know how we have survived to this point. $31 a hour use to be great money. Now paying $540 a week rent, and working 8-5:30 everyday doesn’t seem to get us anywhere. I hope that we have a home by the time you re-read this. Something that can be made farmhouse and become a sanctuary of everything us. The kids will be older, and hopefully I’ll be the cool aunt! Baby will be talking lots I reckon. She has the soul much like her aunty, a chatterbox at heart. At this stage you have a natural hair colour. Your natural brown and blonde duo. Wonder how long that last, typically get bored of it quickly or change it to dark red when things are going quite right (seems to be a favourite colour). Things don’t feel like they are going quite right these days. On August 29th you’ll have been in Tasmania for 2 years. It has gone by quickly. Feels like yesterday you were hiding in the bathroom with your headphones on so you didn’t have to hear the pet taxi picking up all the pets to go to the airport to fly them to our new home. Feeling this sense of sadness now writing this, I didn’t take in much of the house before closing that door and walking away for good. Last thing I remember was an empty hallway and I could see the lounge room, fireplace and my room. All empty. Didn’t take much notice of it at the time. Didn’t really feel like it would be the last time I don’t think…. Always had this sense of going back. Still don’t talk to Carolyn. You have started calling her by her name, and not mum anymore since she doesn’t deserve to be known as that to you. Almost 2 years too since you last heard from her, all over something that happened before I could even talk. Mother’s Day was yesterday, wonder if you’ll feel the same way these days as you did that day. You saw Jarrad, Sarah and the kids. All on their way to a Mother’s Day dinner, feeling like a page just ripped out of their book and tossed away. Not that you probably ever wanted to be apart of that. Remember that if you still feel like that these days, when you get this message, how it affects you. You wouldn’t fit in, and they would say awful things that you don’t need to hear. You’re life is better without them at the moment and remember that your peace is worth it too and if that means not having them in your life now, or in the future reading this, then that is okay. You are 1.5 years at your job at the council. Probably the longest you’ve ever had! You are about to have you performance review and you might get a little raise 🎉 You drive a red beast, that is zippy and fun and named it lady bug. I think dinner is ready so that is it I suppose. My own personal future diary. I hope this makes me smile one day.