A letter from Apr 11, 2024

Dear Isabella, I don’t know if I have lived a year of life yet where I didn’t feel miserable for at least the majority of the time. I think that happiness has to start from within before your outer world can follow suit. The cards I was dealt in life are now the ones I have to make the best of. I am working on healing my mind so that I can be happy. I deserve to be happy. I don’t deserve living in the haunted house that is my mind. I used to be a non-believer as well which I’m sure didn’t help with my outlook on life. Now I know that God is real. God is love. God is everything and everywhere. It helps to remain hopeful for the amazing things that can happen even from darkness. Just knowing all the amazing things that God does every single day brings me hope when I feel despair. The closer you get to God the more signs you see from him. Now I can feel God all around me and I feel more at peace knowing that he is within me. I pray to God daily now. Not only that but I developed a relationship with him just by speaking what’s on my mind to him sometimes. It helps as I find myself feeling lonely more often. All within a short time frame I lost my mom, and the friendship I thought was the greatest changed. Even though both of these affected me differently, one more than the other, I know that God does everything with intentions. I may not know the intentions of God's plan yet but I know they must be good. I’ve walked around my whole life feeling incredibly alone. I now walk most of my life currently actually being alone. I went from having multiple people to talk to about issues to now almost no one. This time alone although sad at times has allowed me to form a deeper relationship not just with God but also with myself. The definition of who I call family has even changed. I’ve always heard that you really see people's true intentions and how they feel about you when great change occurs in your life. This is a very tough lesson to learn as I am so young and it is increasingly difficult not having a support group of any kind. I am learning how to become my own support. I am hoping that whenever this letter finds me again my circumstances will be different. I hope to be happy. I hope to feel blessed by the life God has given me. I never want to feel the pain of not wanting to be alive again. Love, Isabella