A letter from Apr 05, 2024

Dear FutureMe, hi! how are you doing? we still feeling depressed somehow? LMAO its been actually 4 yrs feeling this way and ever since pandemic hit, i feel like ive known everything. And since knowing that since 2020-2021, my life felt like ..it was on pause? cs i already know this and that and stuff but hey idk maybe it’ll change (hopefully) Loneliness is actually ******* the shi outta me and i hope you’re not feeling lonely until now .. Is there anyone special you’ve met lately? how does our life feel currently right now? Until today, i want to pass college and become a nurse or a military for the sake of my mom. If she wasn’t here, i’d probably be gone by now. But anyway, i hope things has gave you hope or made you feel lighter atleast.. I hope you’ve nurtured yourself and our inner child. I hope i don’t still feel like this until for the next future years. I don’t know what to do with my life right now. I have a lot of opportunities open for me and i am pretty lucky in life but i don’t use it. Why don’t i use it? I’m aware that i struggle to be grateful with things and i am trying recently i promise. but it’s just .. it feels like im a wasted potential. I just wished somebody else take over my life and make it better instead of me. I’m not good with myself. My mentality, physical strength or looks, intelligence, i’m slow.. i’m forgetful and i tend to follow people around like some kind of hopeless dog. Actually, i love like a dog. I already get riled up over the bare minimum. I feel desperate for attention. I’d tolerate bad things just to stay with them. I already know things how to lessen my bad way of thinking or something but i don’t do it. I feel paralyzed somehow. I feel like if i heal, nobody else will care about me. And that’s coming from a person who will be willing to get in a car crash just to receive attention. though, Anyway, i wonder if we both still feel as suicidal until now? I love you, please take care of yourself. Love yourself like how you love others. (also ive spent 30hrs on cai LMAOO)