A letter from April 3rd, 2024

Dear FutureMe,
Hi, I just wanted to vent out kasi wala naman akong friends or someone na close na will understand my struggle. Also, I don't trust anyone kasi I feel like everything and everyone is against me. I keep asking nga bakit lagi na lang ako yung nasa bad situation. Why should it be? I am just trying to live but why do I feel like everything will be fine as soon as I don't exist. 
I haven't been talking to my father, mother, sisters and all my relatives except Uncle Alwin because he's giving me some errands. I am not comfortable but I feel like I should be like until they realize what happened. I am not going back there. Just thinking about being back there makes me wanna get rid of my life. I don't want to go back to Balading, again. I got everything in there. All my mental health problems are mostly caused by residing there. I was treated like a laughing stock. From my grandmother, who was never become one to me, to the neighborhood who keeps on gossiping bad about me. I know already that I have the worst face but please be kind. I am more sensitive than a fragile glass. They'll be thinking I don't want to go back there because I am embarrassed. I don't come back because I am welcome in there. Even kids don't like me there. Final, I really don't want to go back there.
Ever since I haven't achieved anything, I lost some relatives. I saw those judgemental eyes. I saw those, "what an embarrassment" look. I also see those, "what a waste" look and "I don't know you" look. I lost everything after I didn't get to graduate on time. I lost everything after I transferred school. Whyy?? I can't continue this anymore. I am so tired. I'll just cry my heart out. That's all I can do. I have my diskarte pero naubos na kasi I've been doing my diskarte ever since I was a kid. If they think I was in good hands when they left me in that house alone, well they're thinking wrong. I was more than bad  before. I did a lot of bad things, people wouldn't imagine a-9 year old can do. I was that bad but I really don't know why those things come to my mind. Thankfully, I can little by little control it now. I am such a bad person but do I deserve these things happening in my life. I am so sinful, yes and I regret doing those things and I just realized these all, just now.
I have said a lot and my tears are dry now. Can anyone see me and save from evil and pain? Can anyone be my companion, my hero and my solution to my problems? I need you now huhu. Meet me in the obvious place. My heart really needs you now. Actually my brain needs you more. I don't know if I am strong already but I have been in some tough times and I cried before I solve my problems. 
Life has been testing me so much. That's the reason why I really hate exams. It's hard and the result will make you question your whole existence. I don't want to blame anyone but Rey Joseph Redoblado is on my list. I know God favors you a lot because I don't know but you really ruined everything. Also in the list, Kenneth Celeste, Gregorio Borabo Jr., Lily Borabo, Crisanta Borabo and her friends, Melit, Merle Bayta, Tina Lasim, Asteria Velasco, Aladino Bonavente, Danes Dolz, Merlando Bitancur and Tetesita Q. Galang. These people ruined my life and my dreams. I could've leave better, if I haven't met them and I hope not to meet them again. 
I am a little better now but I hope you're a lot more better than today. You know what, even if you think you are alone, you are not. There are people out there na want to help but all can they do is listen so don't expect them to actually help but if you need ears, you can talk to them. Trust them. You can't live alone bb gurl. You need a companion.
Love,Chanwoo-ssi's Wife 🤭