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Dear FutureDave, You're in Africa now. Africa. I'm at RISD. I woke up this morning hoping to paint my self-portait and 7 other paintings. I woke up early and went to the painting studio, but I couldn't get in because the lock wasnt changed to fit my key yet. So I walked back to the quad and head up to the computer lab to see what messages I had waiting for me. I just got your farewell email. Thank you, it's nice to hear from you, even if it is a generic forwarded email. What's life been like for me? I've been changing so much. I guess it's better that we're not talking on a normal basis. Exes aren't supposed to do that. That, and you wouldn't like who I am now anyway. I'm sorry I ever told you about that kid. He's gotten better though. Yeah, I'm sorta dating him. I know, it's gross to think about. Damn it Dave, sometimes I wish we had never dated so we could have still been friends. Really good friends like in the Wonder Years. I'm scared and messed up. I'm probably going to give up my virginity to someone I don't love or even find that attractive. I've started drinking, and have dates set to smoke blunts. I've done things that I can't tell my best friends. I've had some great late night conversations with this guy and I have fun when I'm with him. I told him I didn't want to be another fuck. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I like him and other times I think everyone else is right. I think I want to like him. Dave I'm glad we dated. You had such respect for me. We didn't have much to talk about, but we found ways to connect around it. I have you to compare everyone else to. I still wish it could be you. My friend here who is a socal girl and who brags about her newly-dubbed ex bf calls him up on the phone and asks if he would still fuck her. I think that's pathetic. I hope that's not what you think I'm doing. I'm not trying to be flaky like that. I'm sorry I made you upset and cry before I left for RISD. I'm sorry Dave. I know I don't mean that much to this kid. I mean something..just not that. I'm not going to talk about what might happen in the future. You're going to read this in the future and that's all I am going to predict. Man...I can start an email to you a million different ways, but somehow they all are molded around the same depressing message. I'm a firm believer that saying less is saying more, but I can never do that. My hair has gotten longer. I'm wearing my cropped painting pants and a white wifebeater covered in paint. I have a black bandanna tied around my neck and a braided leather bracelet on my left wrist. it's 11:18 am. I dont remember what I wrote in all those other emails. I hope this isnt all so repetitive. Do I want to end with the L word?