life as you know its has just begun

Rachel.....you have been married for exactly one month today....you love him so very much yet for some reason you notice a light hint of doubt mixed with guilt....last nite you saw West....it was nice visit...it helped create some closure with everything between you and him....you now know you can go on with your life not feeling bad anymore....you also talked to Michael Craighead....after talking to him you also felt a great big weight had been removed...Rachel you have done so much with your life since him...you would have never been where youare today if you had to continue on with him....you love him but not because you want to but because you cant let go of everything when it comes to him...but you once again got some closure from talking to him and feel much better with the choices you made...however now the main event is about to commence....David called this morning wanting to make dinner plans with you....he doesnt know that you are married...why havent you told him?? you know why but dont want to admit it which is axactly why you have feelings of doubt and guilt with you husband....David was supposed to be the one "to save you"...do you remember the last 3 years?...he saw you in all your fading glory of drugs, crime, and self inflicting pain....and he still loved you...or maybe thats what you thought however you still kept holding on to the dream of maybe someday he will want to marry you....but know life has a strange way of directing you of where you are truly meant to be....so now here you are ....sitting in front of a computer screen in So cali...10 am drinking a beer waiting for that fucking Seargent to call you into work...and all you want to do is figure out the meaning of not life but just your own and where it will take you....you are secretly hoping that David will be upset that you are married and tell you that he madea mistake with you and wants to make things right...but you will still stick to the vows you made and tell him its to late...and secretly hate it...maybe you should cancel the dinner plans and just go the bar with angie....but you wont.......hopefully you wont drink yourself into stupor and embarass yourself like you did at the last dinner you had with david......remember you love your husband...hes a good man..and doesnt deserve you being a dumb bitch....just go have dinner get some closure once again...and move on with your life....and go home to your husband in a week...love him like youve never loved him before....he deserves that