A letter from Mar 23, 2024

Dear FutureMe, Today is the first of hopefully many letters to myself I've stopped going to institute I was trying to be consistent but I've hit a point where if I dont wanna go to something it makes it difficult to be there. For example, it's hard to focus, I'm down, I find myself sitting in the car before going in leaving as fast as I can, and not wanting to participate. I dont know why I experience this with some things but I have noticed if I have a "reason" in my mind to go it makes it easier. I know that I should be going for the spiritual aspect but I never really planned on going to institute it was just encouraged and I was convinced to go to see if there were any cute guys there. Once I started going it was a routine I felt that I had to be there even when I didn't have the energy to be there couldn't focus and felt fidgety and a need to talk the whole time. After a while, I started to feel bad for going without being able to involve myself or even wanting to be there but I had friends there. Then I slowly pulled away from people and now I have stopped going. An old friend decided to reach out and when I told him I dont want to and never did he said there are more reasons to go than boys. I know but I could never get into that idea and recently I have even had trouble focusing at church after I had been doing so well.  I've had the sudden overwhelming need to quit my job but I can't until I can find more hours. I have gone thru so many unfollowing sprees recently removing all but a close circle on Snapchat and the rest that only follow from afar on Instagram for now. Therapy is going good but I still have my days but we both know how much can change in a year...See you there