A letter from Mar 03, 2024

Hey "future me". This'll be my second time writing to you. The last time I wrote to you, I was 8. 8-year old me wanted for 9-year old me to see the letter he wrote. 9-year old me never saw it, until 10 years later. Upon stumbling across an Instagram ad of this service, something deep inside of the tresses of my mind had clicked. "I've used this before. This seems so familiar. I'm gonna go check it out, and I'll go through all of my old e-mail account records to find the letter", I said to myself. I know I've sent a letter to myself. But, until now I never knew exactly what I said. Then, I found it. Finally found it. When I saw the message that the pure, innocent, joyous, and wild 8-year old me wrote, something inside of me broke. My inner child nowadays has been torn to shreds, broken beyond repair, along with everything else regarding my current life. When I read the letter, my inner child healed a bit. But alongside healing my inner child, a major part of what I am now had begin to regret & hate everything that has happened to me since those times. I look back at those days as the beginning of the End; the last of my happiness before it started to fade. Here I am, present-day 18-year old me. I am bruised, battered, traumatized, enraged, hurt, and saddened. Extremely saddened, to the point of wondering if tomorrow may be the day I finally decide to bite the big one. I am on the brink of a snap, and what I do now is nothing but decompose while alive, in body & in mind. Joy to me now is nothing but a silly concept. I am cursed, I am dark, I am trapped; I'm everything polar to what I was once was. My charm is gone, my looks are deteriorating, and my mind is rotting. I am constantly fighting a losing war within myself. I fear the war will be lost someday soon, and the devil on my shoulder will successfully convince me to leave this world forever. That being said, if you're able to read this letter now, this would be your first day on this world being 21, a full-fledged adult. By now, you would've found your footing and whatever life you choose to live is set in stone. You would be on your way out of college, in your own place, with a dedicated partner who'll love you for who you are. You would be happy. You would be completely independent, and you would be free to live the lifestyle I've always dreamed of having. if you're mortally unable to read this letter by the time you would be turning 21, however, then i'm sorry. i am truly sorry. as much as i say i hate myself now, i love you. i really love you, and i'm so ******* sorry if i ever failed you. born June 21, 2005 - 8:33AM intended for yourself; June 21, 2026