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"Endless"...
That's the word my dad said when I passed near him tonight after putting the dirty kitchen and bath towels in the garage. He is right, to an extent. It truly feels like this bickering is endless.You probably don't remember what happened tonight, and especially not the specifics—not unless I tell you or you look in your journal. Not on your own.You have good reason to block it out. Regardless of the trauma, this is nothing new. Same old, same old…well, sorta. It's different because you are tired. That's the physical tired I'm talking about, though the mental exhaustion they bring is undeniable. That only makes it worse. That is why it is worse.Dad asked for the key again. I thought he'd be able to leave, but Mom caught him before he could drive away. She said it's the early onset of Alzheimer's symptoms. Perhaps…Perhaps. Maybe she's right about that. It's genetic…in his family line. His biological father has it, I think. But I don't think that's all. The symptoms may have lessened his inhibitions. What we see now is only an exacerbation and final release of his truth.
I sent a letter to myself on this app earlier today. It was a letter of hope, of great promise. That was for only a year in the future (and it's a private one because of personal information). Now, I'm sending this letter of suffering and shame. I hope you don't take this as a sign that your life is a mess and a terrible mistake. That's not the point. You can't control what your parents did. You can't even control your own memory. Don't regret what you cannot change.
And to all of you who may be reading this: Thank you for taking the time. Thank you for being here. Stay Healthy. Drink Water. God be with you.
That's the word my dad said when I passed near him tonight after putting the dirty kitchen and bath towels in the garage. He is right, to an extent. It truly feels like this bickering is endless.You probably don't remember what happened tonight, and especially not the specifics—not unless I tell you or you look in your journal. Not on your own.You have good reason to block it out. Regardless of the trauma, this is nothing new. Same old, same old…well, sorta. It's different because you are tired. That's the physical tired I'm talking about, though the mental exhaustion they bring is undeniable. That only makes it worse. That is why it is worse.Dad asked for the key again. I thought he'd be able to leave, but Mom caught him before he could drive away. She said it's the early onset of Alzheimer's symptoms. Perhaps…Perhaps. Maybe she's right about that. It's genetic…in his family line. His biological father has it, I think. But I don't think that's all. The symptoms may have lessened his inhibitions. What we see now is only an exacerbation and final release of his truth.
I sent a letter to myself on this app earlier today. It was a letter of hope, of great promise. That was for only a year in the future (and it's a private one because of personal information). Now, I'm sending this letter of suffering and shame. I hope you don't take this as a sign that your life is a mess and a terrible mistake. That's not the point. You can't control what your parents did. You can't even control your own memory. Don't regret what you cannot change.
And to all of you who may be reading this: Thank you for taking the time. Thank you for being here. Stay Healthy. Drink Water. God be with you.
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