A letter from Feb 20, 2024

Dear FutureMe, hey, this is the past you (lol) it's 2024, february, about a month after your 25th birthday. i already graduated, and i have been working for a month in Yayasan Bintan Resort as a curriculum staff. i wonder where and what position will you be in the future because they offered me a one year-contract. are you still a curriculum staff at Yayasan? last month i got my salary cut off half of it because i started working in the middle of the month. this month i will get my salary being paid in full. how much is your salary now? have you had an increase in your salary? starting this month, i need to start to pay our debt to our aunt. i have about 15 million to be paid and i need to pay about 2 million each month so it might take me about 8 months to have all of them paid. can you imagine living with all of those needs with just 2 million... but what can i do right... it was the consequences i need to face and i know that from the very beginning. last year, two of our closest friends got married, one of our closest friends passed away. i hope you will still remember her even when you get old and find new friends. she was a dear friend of us, the one that we were comfortable the most with. don't forget to send prayer for her, alright? this year, one of our closest friends gave birth to a pretty and healthy girl. i was so happy when i heard the news. my current job is fine. at least it started fine. i like my colleague. there are four people in this office. and i am the only woman here. how is it in your time? how many colleagues do you have? our family is still the same as before. i started to get a bit close to our sister. like, a little bit. we talk more often. she is entering her rebel phase, i guess. she doesn't listen to our parents well. she also doesn't listen to me well, either. i don't know, it's kinda hard to get close to our family. it's been decade but i guess i still hold some grudge. or i think i need to get professional help. i wanted to, since long time ago actually. but i still cannot do it because i am not financially stable. i hope you will be able to do it when you have enough money. and i hope by the time you read this letter, you have healed yourself from the wound that i cannot heal myself. i still don't have any romantical partner. have you found your other half by the time you're reading this? i have let go the feeling that i have for that one senior at our collage. i cannot say i'm not hoping he would come to me anymore, but, i just don't cry over him so often now. i still think of him sometimes, i still dream about him once in a while. his face is still the one i think about when i see so many interesting thing and nice songs. but i have let him go. i blocked his number last month, because i just can't stop seeking for his attention (which he never gave). oh right, you still remember what happened between us right? how we had the first and last movie date and how magical that night was. how he held my hand and caress my fingers. how he put his hand on my shoulder. how he kissed the back of my hand. i'm still mourning of those things you wouldn't have, but i hope there will be the one who did better than him. i hope there will be the one who did more than him the moment you read this letter. i hope he will never make you cry. i hope he is a good man, and he loves you so much and you love him just as much. me right now still have so much burden that i carry on my shoulder. i hope what you are carrying when you read this letter won't be as heave as i am now. i hope you can take it easy. i hope you are happier than me now because i am indeed a happier version of the past me. we have a good friend that we met online. she was also a carat, we both love wonwoo so much. oh right, as per now, i am going crazy over seventeen and the boyz. especially wonwoo and hyunjae. how about you? do you still in this demon circle aka being a kpop fan? the world where i live today is in chaos. there is a ******** on going in palestine and i am so mad that the world does nothing about it. a few days ago was indonesia's election day and it was pure chaos. currently, the leading candidate is a human rights abuser and nepo baby and i hate them so much. are they really this nation's leader? i can't believe it. i started to read more books since the first month of this year. i regret that i didn't to this sooner. my current obsession is hisfic book, and i also regret that i only do that just recently. i hope you nothing but only good things, me in the future. while i write this letter to you, i realize how proud and how much i love my self, us, you. i wish you a happy birthday, love. have a nice life.