A letter from Feb 09, 2023

Dear FutureMe, Oops I did it again (that's definitely a reference to the song and if I can remember a song that was made before I was born, you can definitely remember it now). I wrote half the letter before realizing I didn't date it. This letter was written February 9th, 2024, 5 days after my 14th Birthday (I'm 14? I still can't process it. I feel like I just processes that I was 13. It's like that one poem. I think it was called 11). It was a family birthday, and I realized Khusi (I forgot her name for like a minute and just sat here trying to remember it before getting distracted by editing. I wonder it I have ADHD? I've wondered for a while. My brother has it after all, and it's hereditary, so it wouldn't be a stretch to say I have it too) wasn't as annoying as I thought she was. I hope she's okay. That reminds me, I hope all my family is okay. Nyra's 4 now. I wonder how she's doing. Has she learned to read, or is that later? I don't remember. I don't know anything about baby milestones. Oh! Before I forget, Happy Belated 16th Birthday! Did I have a Sweet 16? I don't want one right now, but things change. You're going to college soon. I hope you have one ready (like in your college wish list). If you don't, you should research some. Right now, I kinda want to go to Duke University, but I don't know if that's right for the major I want (Psychology and Economics double major and eventually Law). I haven't researched enough. But you should. Do it after reading this. Actually, first do anything you're procrastinating on, and then research. Maybe even do that before reading this letter (you're not going to, are you. I'm literally procrastinating right now, but it's Friday so it's fine). I'm going to go get food because I haven't eaten in 5 hours and I feel like my stomach's eating myself and Pratik won't get me food even though I'm DYING! Sigh, such is the way of siblings. Not sure what I would do if he asked though. I don't really know what to right about. I vented to my senior self like 5 days ago. It ended up becoming a rant about Aanya at the end, but I also wrote an apology to my senior self for the letter so it's fine. And it was a learning experience (writing letters ranting about my crush helps me get over them!) so I still got something out of it. I guess I could talk about my life right now? I find it kind of boring, but if it becomes interesting, that's probably worse because at your age, the only not boring thing is pulling all-nighters. I hope I'm closer with my friends (as in my friends in general, not my current friends). I hope I've somewhat grown as a person and am happy. I hope my classes aren't stressing me out. Right now, I identify as a bisexual girl, and I don't think that'll change *that* much. Although it would make sense if I'm pansexual, polysexual, omnisexual, or just multisexual in general. I don't *think* I'm going to be straight or ***/lesbian, but who knows🤷. I guess I could be a demigirl (I've thought about a couple times), but I can't really imagine being a guy or anything leaning towards a guy. I'm out to my younger brother (Pratik) , Anu, Alina, and Aanya. Pratik, I don't really remember when I came out. He assumed (jokingly I think) that I was *** and I said that I was actually bisexual when we were watching Danno Draws's first stream (I don't particularly like the guy, and the stream made me dislike him a little bit, but Pratik watches him and the video was fun, albeit a little inappropriate for Pratik). I came out to Anu.. actually I don't remember how. It might have been when she showed me Huening Kai and his sister, Huening Bai and I said Huening Bai was prettier. Or it might have been later. I actually came out to Alina twice. The first time was like in...October? November? Somewhere around there. The fall dance was coming up and she asked me if there was anyone I wanted to ask. She was clarifying that she meant someone I *wanted* to ask, not someone I was planning to ask. I was like no, but we still continued the conversation. As we were leaving Cougar Time (because this happened during Cougar Time. When else would it happen?) she said something along the lines of "is there anyone you would want to go to the dance with if you were brave enough to ask him?" and I was like I "you're assuming it's a guy" and she was like "okay then is there anyone you would want to go to the dance with if you were brave enough to ask her ?" and I was like "Now you're assuming it's a girl" so she said "Fine is there anyone you would want to go to the dance with if you were brave enough to ask them. Them is neutral!" and I laughed and said no. But later, like in January, we went through our blend together and found "we fell in october". We were going through and explaining why our songs were our songs. It was both of ours song. Alina was like "you got something to tell me?" and I was like "I told you already remember when you were asking about my crush and I was like don't assume their gender?" and she was like "Oh. So is it just girls or..." and I was like "No. I'm bisexual!". Alina was like "Congratulations". I asked her why she had "we fell in october" and Alina was like "you might have already heard about it but I was like in a secret relationship last year" and I was like "no???" but she seemed a little uncomfortable and I wasn't sure if it was okay to ask so I didn't. I came out to like two days ago. You're going to here me rant a little about it in two years and overanalyze what it means, and I apologize in advance. It was very simple. Aanya and I were waiting for our buses in the cafeteria. I was like "Have I came out to you?" and Aanya was like "No" so I said "Well, I'm bisexual" and Aanya said "Congratulations?" rightfully confused because it was very out of context and had no build up. No I'm going to say some random things because I feel like it. There's a poster on the French side of my Spanish class (the classroom has Spanish decorations and posters on one side of the room and French decorations and posters on the other side because the classroom is used for the first half of the day as a French classroom by one teacher and used by a different teacher as a Spanish classroom in the second half of the day. When not at our school, the teachers go to other schools to teach. My Spanish teacher, Senorita Pulido, goes to Erickson (another middle school in my district) in the first half of the day and Curtis (my middle school) in the second half) that's in black and white in Paris with only a speck of color on it; a girl in red. It made me think of the artist, and I pointed it out to Aanya, who recognized the artist (I think. She might have been talking about the poster though) so that says something. What that something is, I don't know. I think that's all I have to say. Again, apology for the rant, but at least this time it was about something more relevant. Oh also this is an edit because I might as well mention when me and Mamu had a talk in the car about the LGBTQ+ community and she asked me if I was *** and I just shrugged and said "who knows. I'm still young. That's something I can figure out later". I wasn't lying, because at the time I still hadn't labeled myself as bi. I was unlabeled. Sincerely, PastYou